“I Wanted To See If I Could”

In some ways, I find this story about a man eating a 15lb hamburger absolutely disgusting.

But on the other hand, I have to give Brad Sciullo credit for daring to show his carnivore-pride to such an extreme degree.  I don’t know about you, but I think Mr. Sciullo should be given lifetime membership to PETA as part of his prize package.


I <3 Meat

My name is Joe and I am an animal killer

I like to hunt.
I fish when I can.
I wear and use products derived from animals.
I eat meat.

When it is neither convenient nor cost effective for me to do so myself, I will gladly pay others for their animal killing and processing services.

Maybe it is murder by proxy, but nobody – including you – will make me feel the least bit guilty about it.

I guess it’s in my genes…

***** ***** *****

For roughly 60 years, my grandfather (now in his mid-80s) has bred and raised dairy cows, nourished them and provided them with a warm, dry barn for shelter in return for their milk.  He continues the process to this day, although one of my uncles has officially taken over farming operations.

My grandparents raised 12 children and would “decommission” a cow every year so the family would have something to eat.  Of course, everyone drank the raw, unpasteurized milk their cows produced and they grew their own fruit and vegetables in the garden/orchard.  There was a time when Grandma baked 6 loves of bread every day and canned/pickled/preserved anything she could get her hands on.

Enough About Grandma’s Bread. Let’s Get Back To The Cows…
Thanks to a special diet complete with individualized supplementation of minerals, Grandpa’s cows produce milk with high butterfat content – ideal for cheese production.  The milk is sold to a local processing plant so you have something to melt on your pizza or put in your salad.

When I was 13 years old, I helped my grandpa butcher a cow on his farm.  I vividly recall the moment when he reached into the dead cow’s mouth and said, “This is a tongue that’ll tell no more lies.” He cut it off and flung it into a bucket to be ground up with other parts.

Grandpa always had an odd sense of humor,
but he didn’t slaughter cows for fun.

When it was time to refill the freezer and a cow’s milk-producing days were done, my grandpa humanely put an end to his animal’s life behind the barn with a .22 caliber rifle shot to the head.

This is as “socially conscious” as it gets.

My grandfather, a WWII Navy veteran (Radioman First Class; 1942-46), knows it’s either eat or be eaten.  He provided food for his offspring.  And he taught them a valuable life-lesson in finding their own food when it was time to leave the nest (although some of my aunts & uncles find it easier to just go to the local supermarket).

Deny your birthright if you must, but it is the NATURAL order of things.

We Are Animals
Our mouths are filled with teeth which NATURE has provided for us to cut, tear and chew meat. (Mine are still 100% cavity free, by the way)

Our bodies NATURALLY produce enzymes which allow us to digest and assimilate the amino acids meat delivers in such a tasty package.

Since we’re not fast like a cheetah or strong like a bear (well, I am, but I’ve never been one to brag), we have to ‘outsmart’ our prey…

Which brings us to the present-day meat production industry

In an effort to balance environmental responsibility while also producing enough food for the public at large, animals are selected, herded into feedlots and their meat is systematically processed and distributed so people have something to put on their plate when they get home from work.

My grandfather only did this once every year or so for his own family.  If you would prefer to kill and process your own food, maybe we wouldn’t need such intensive farming/slaughtering techniques as can be found in the Alec Baldwin-hosted PETA propaganda videos making the email/YouTube rounds.

Maybe it’s not exactly fun to watch.

Maybe it’s not something you personally want to do.

Maybe it’s unfortunate and tragic that we live in a country of 300 million+ people – each with the NATURAL ability and right to consume the very foods we, as a species, have been eating since we crawled away from the primordial ooze and found our way to the top of the food chain.

But until someone comes up with a better way to provide affordable, palatable and NATURAL meat to the masses, you’ll just have to understand our current systems of meat production are a “necessary evil”.

Would you rather eat a steak that lived and died “unhappy” or would you prefer to be sick and malnourished while surviving on “organic” salads as the animal population spirals out of control?

I choose the former.

This is what human animals do to ensure survival of our species. 

***** ***** *****

Meat: The Ultimate Renewable Resource
Modern farming is more than a potted tomato plant on your balcony.  Numbers are carefully monitored and adjusted to be sure demand doesn’t overtake supply.  Unless you’re willing to pay $100 a pound for your 96% lean ground beef from cattle raised at Club Med, you have to accept that farming science – like ANY science – requires time and resources to progress. 

If you want to eat like a rabbit for personal/religious/health reasons, go ahead.  I have no problem with your choice.  That just leaves more meat for me.

But if you reject meat for purely “social’ reasons (read: to impress your friends), rather than throw away money for such an un-naturalcause“, wouldn’t it make more sense to donate to research programs investigating farming methods that meet your standards?

Life can be cruel and unfair.  But are there not enough injustices in the world that people really have to make “the rights” of an animal such a priority?

Until animals come up with a meaningful way to contribute to society and pay taxes, I’m willing to accept their meat and hides as payment.

The Free-Range Argument
You think rush hour traffic is bad now?  Imagine what would happen if we just let cows, pigs and chickens run completely wild and free. 

Given the finite amount of farm land and a human population that continues to breed and expand, the only feasible option is to contain and monitor livestock in a controlled environment. 

It’s not only good for us, but one might even argue that it protects the animals from other predators that are even more hungry and eager to kill than we are.

Hunt Or Be Hunted
When it comes down to it, we are all food.  Whether anyone likes it or not, I will continue to eat, wear and enjoy all the creature comforts animals provide.


  I am also an organ donor (It’s on my driver’s license – I haven’t actually given anything away yet).  When my time comes to an end, if you want to take my hard-earned muscle tissue and make burgers out of me in order to save a cow, go ahead.  Until then, all you meat-sympathizers can kiss my flank steak.

P.P.S.  For you ‘old-timers’ who are scratching your heads wondering what the hell “<3” means in the title of this post, carefully turn your monitor counter-clockwise 90 degrees and the emoticon should become clear :-)