Glutes Like Oxen Heads

You know the ones.  Those fully formed, spherical mass o’ muscles you see behind powerlifters, sprinters and female fitness models (mmmmm, fitness models).

Their butts defy gravity while they sit high up on their perch as if they somehow KNOW they’re better than all the other glutes.


…And they are.

So why is it that some butt-iss-ee-moes (as “Body by” Jake Steinfeld refers to ’em) hang, sag, droop and flop around in the breeze?

I’m glad you assed. (not a typo, I just couldn’t resist)

When muscles aren’t challenged, they effectively ‘shut down’.

Forget to contract.

Lie dormant.

The contractile fibers are still there, but once they’re off, they’re off – until you turn ’em back on.

As good as squats, lunges, running up hill and numerous other exercises can be, when a muscle can’t do its job, other muscles are called into play to create the movement.  In the case of ‘gluteal amnesia’ (that’s an Alwyn Cosgrove-ism if there ever was one), it’s often the hamstrings which become dominant (and overused… and injured) while your butt just sits there.

Want to find out if your glutes are taking a nap?  Try lying face up on the floor and lift your hips into a “bridge” position with your feet flat, knees bent.

Do it.

Right now.

Did your hamstrings cramp up on you?  They shouldn’t.  If they did, they’re working too hard.  Your glutes should be the main players in this simple exercise.

Even if you consider yourself “old” and aren’t all that concerned with the look, shape or feel of your posterior, you be wise to consider the function (or lack thereof) of these all important muscles you’re sitting on right now.

If you really want to see me make an ass of myself, be sure to watch Grand Rapids Fox 17 this Friday morning (around 8.40am) where I’ll be taking Smita Kalokhe through as many variations of glute re-awakening exercises as we can squeeze into a 4 minute segment.

Can’t catch it because you’re not in the Grand Rapids area?  I got you covered.  Check back in after the show and I’ll post a link to the video plus some additional strategies to give you some shake to go with those fries. ;-)

What does that MEAN?

Don’t ever question Bruce Dickinson.


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