This is my gym.
There are many like it, but this one is mine…
There are many reasons I work with clients in their homes and not my own. There are also plenty of reasons I don’t care to train in commercial gyms.
In the unlikely case you do ever find yourself training with me in my basement, there are a few things you’ll need to understand before we load up the bar…
- The inner-most weight always faces inward
- All other weights face out (and do I really even need to mention they must be in descending order?)
- Always use collars. If you don’t know how to use ’em. I’ll show you one time.
- At the end of a workout, everything gets put back where it belongs
- If you’re going to train in my gym, expect to listen to heavy metal
- Deadlifts and shoes don’t mix (unless they’re Vibram FiveFingers)
- Lifting straps are only allowed if you lack the all-important opposable thumb
- Gloves? Get a Curves membership. Around here, if you can’t grate cheese across the callouses on your hands, you’re a wuss
- No, there is no padding for the squat bar – that’s how it’s supposed to feel
- You are responsible for cleaning up your own sweat, drool, blood or any other bodily fluids that might go flying during a workout
- Concentration curls are not allowed
- You don’t have to enjoy training, but if you’re just going to go through the motions, go somewhere else.
- Don’t talk to me when I’m doing (or obviously preparing) for a set.
- If I ask you to spot me during a set, don’t hover over me with twitchy hands. If I need help, you’ll know it.
- Yes, there is a mirror. No, it’s not for posing. It’s set in a strategic location to get the most bang for my lighting buck. Don’t move it. Don’t touch it. Don’t let me catch you even looking at it.
- We share loading/unloading responsibilities
- 25lb weights are called “quarters” and 2.5lb weights are known as “babies”
- Misloads are unacceptable and are punishable by waterboarding
- If you’re not invited back, don’t take it personally. I’m not really into that whole “training partner” thing.
- If you are invited back, take it as a compliment.