Donny Osmond vs. David Lee Roth


I have a long and deeply troubled past.

My childhood hero was known for many things: his part in the Osmond Brothers, the hit single “Puppy Love” and later, Joseph and the Amazing Techicolor Dreamcoat.

Sure, it was many moons ago, but there was a time in my life where I wanted to be just like Donny Osmond – I even used to have a favorite pair of purple socks.

…ain’t nuthin’ stays the same
As the ’70s segued into the ’80s, I traded in my socks for Deep Purple albums, long hair and stone washed, tapered jeans.

It was at this time I discovered Van Halen.

My hero was no longer a teenage variety-show star from the Church of Latter Day Saints, but a hard-rocking front-man with an addiction to hairspray, spandex and women (not necessarily in that order, though). 

When I wasn’t tearing “stylish” holes in my clothes or tying bandanas around my still developing limbs, I would jump from the sofa doing my best “Diamond Dave” impression while singing along with “Unchained”.

Maybe I could have chosen better role models.  But even after Van Halen, Dave went on to have a (sort-of) successful solo career, a (mildly famous) Las Vegas lounge act and saved countless lives (???) as an EMT in New York City.  And don’t forget his (short-lived) career as a talk-radio host.  Plus, he’s currently touring with VH on a long awaited reunion tour.  So why shouldn’t I continue to find inspiration in this aging (and balding) fellow from Bloomington, Indiana?  That’s showbiz, baby!

As for Donny, I hear he’s been asked to host the reincarnation of “Name That Tune” sometime in the next year or so.  Even though I can no longer deny wearing those purple socks so long ago, at least I can say my sister has never passed out on live television*.

Whew! It sure feels good to get that off my chest. 

Now let’s deadlift… 

*yet!

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