I’m So Happy I Was Born Without A Uterus


It should come as no surprise when I say I will never understand women.

Fortunately, I do have estrogen-dominant friends who are willing to explain things to me in real simple terms.

What you’re about to read is a REAL letter from a REAL person.  I got her permission to post it here at The Cup as long as I keep her identity under wraps (you never know when someone may decide to shift gears and make the jump into politics).

I added the links within the text where I thought it might be useful/informative or in some way add to the entertainment value of this already humorous story, but don’t let ’em distract you.

Ladies, enjoy.  Guys, let’s see if we can’t learn something here.

(I’ll comment again at the end of her letter)

************************

Joe-

I thought of your blog while being stalked at the gym today.

I began my workout and noticed a strange man watching me, so I ignored him and went to a different area of the gym.

He followed.

After having him pace around me while doing standing straight bar curls and nearly bumping into me a few times, I again left to find a new area.

I found a nice secluded corner of the gym to do a few sets, and you guessed it, he followed me again!

I made one last effort for seclusion, because as you know, I want my space.

So I set up an area for a little circuit.  I was doing isolated dumbbell curls, pushups and abs.

After my pushups I walked out to a different area to do an ab exercise and guess who jumped onto my bench I was working out on.

“The stalker”.

Now mind you, there were 4 other open benches and only 2 other people in an area that is 30’x30′.  But no, he had to jump right into my space.

As I approached him with the “Get the &^*&)* off my bench” look he responded with a cheesy ‘hey baby’ smile.

Are you kidding me?

This dope was trying to hit on me by interrupting my workout!

After I got done laughing to myself about the absurdity of thinking interrupting ones workout is the best way to make an introduction, I went back to reclaim my space. 

I sat back down on my bench, started lifting and the 2007 Darwin award winner sat next to me and said “Hi, I’m Bob” and started lifting a weight lighter than mine.

I finished my set, looked at this guy and said “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

He stood up and walked away whispering “bitch” under his breath.

I was speechless. (mainly because I prefer to be addressed as “Queen Bitch”)

I think this guy missed a few behavioral clues that would have saved us both some time…… 

1. Hat, headphones and sweat mean don’t bother me

2. Fiddling with my iPOD means don’t talk to me

3. Never stopping between sets to sit and gaze at oneself in the mirror means don’t interrupt me….go away!

4. The fact I was wearing less spandex than him should have been a big clue that I was obviously not in his league

5. The fact he lifted less weight than me should have been a clue he was not in my league

6. And, lastly according your recent post, “Will You Stop Staring At Me?”, the fact that I don’t make eye contact means I am not attracted to you!

I am not sure I will ever adapt to the health-club pick-up mentality.

Doesn’t anyone remember the old days where respect was earned and given as the 1st phase of  gym-relationships? 

Of course, the 2nd phase would involve peeking thru the hole in the wall near the showers to determine if you should actually ask them out!

(Name and location withheld by request)

************************

Ok, it’s me, Joe, again. 

Well, fellas… did we learn anything today?  Do the women have anything to add?  

And like I said in the beginning, the odds are that I will never understand women but even I am smart enough to steer clear of women that wear less spandex in the gym than I do – hehe!

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One thought on “I’m So Happy I Was Born Without A Uterus

  1. OMG! I was laughing my ASS off at that letter! I SO know what she means! The gym is SO not the place to pick up a woman!

    What does it take to have a man GET A CLUE!! I always wear headphones and have it CRANKED to get me pumped and men are always trying to talk to me..DUH! I CANNOT and DO NOT want to talk! Have you seen me even LOOK at you?? NO, then get the hell out of my face and leave me alone to WORKOUT, which is the reason I am at the gym, not to make goo goo eyes at you and have you hit on me!

    OK..guess I said my peace…. ;)

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