Do You Suffer From EAD?

Before I get to today’s post, you’ll be happy to know I survived a 9 day vacation without my laptop (although I did pop into an internet cafe 2 times to quickly delete all the viagra messages that clog up my inbox so I’d have less to filter through when I got back to the office).

Now that I finally feel that comforting rumble of plastic keys under my guitar string calloused fingertips, let’s not waste any more time… “The Cup” is back in business with the following ‘public service announcement’.

Do you have EAD?

Visually, syptoms are fairly obvious: thick waist, soft & saggy cheeks (and I’m not talking about jowels, here), general appearance or feelings of lethargy.  Occasionally, you may even observe yellowing of the fingers accompanied by a trail of grease running from the dominant hand to the nearest empty potato chip bag.  The rarest and most extreme physical symptom is the sweating of sausage gravy from one’s skin.

Even without these physical charateristics, Exercise Avoidance Disorder can be formally diagnosed by asking the following question of the suspected EAD sufferer: Do you get regular physical exercise?

A positive diagnosis can be made if the patient responds with any of the following.

  • “I don’t like to sweat”
  • “I don’t have time to work out”
  • “Exercise is boring”
  • “I travel a lot”
  • “I don’t want to lift heavy weights”
  • “I have a bad back (knee, foot, hangnail, etc)”
  • “I’m not sure if I do the exercises correctly and I don’t want to get hurt, so I don’t do anything”
  • “I tried exercise once and it just didn’t work for me”
  • “I don’t have/can’t afford a gym membership”
  • “I’d rather diet than exercise”
  • “I plan to start an exercise program as soon as I lose X pounds”
  • “Homer Simpson doesn’t exercise.  Why should I?”

While the quality-of-life-threatening condition is not limited to any socio-economic or ethnic populations, early detection and treatment of EAD minimizes the effects and may even decrease likelihood of recurrence.  Individual responses to treatement depend upon the severity of the condition when diagnosed and willingness to make immediate lifestyle changes.

At least one recent study suggests EAD may be highly contagious, even over great distances.

Do yourself and your loved ones a favor.  Peform regular EAD home-checkups and please take immediate action if you suspect you are a carrier of this debilitating disease.


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