What Happened To My Underwear?

I figured maybe I was just in the wrong part of the store – you know how retail shops like to change things around now and then.

But as I was walking through Target looking for the socks & underwear, it hit me like a brick.  I didn’t mistakenly stumble into the women’s lingerie section.  These were racks of men’s underwear on individual hangers right there in the open air. 

They had it all – boxers, briefs… even thongs (or maybe they just added an eye-patch department?)

What ever happened to the tamper-evident plastic bag 3 pack of undies I grew up with?

We’re guys.  We need to buy things in bulk.  It’s in our DNA. 

A case of beer used to be 24 cans and even that wasn’t enough…  now we’ve got 30 packs to get us through a quiet evening at home with the kids.

Ever wonder why cable tv sells sports packages?  Because no guy will watch just one game and forget about the rest of the season.

Have an urge for a sugary treat, big fella?  There’s a reason Dunkin’ Donuts doesn’t sell boxes of fewer than 25 ‘munchkins’.

Try going to Home Depot and buying a single deck screw – you and your pink handled tool set will be laughed right out of the store.

Which brings me back to my point: Which marketing genius figured that any red-blooded American man would be somehow compelled to buy a single pair of underwear – secured to a little plastic hanger, no less?

I can only think of one thing to blame for this ridiculoous marketing tactic: SOY.

By now, you’ve probably heard of some of the conflicting research about the ‘little bean that could’.  Isoflavones, phytoestrogens, hormone imbalances, blah, blah, blah… 

Somewhere (probably in California), there must be an advertising agency that has a vending machine filled with nothing buy soymilk and tofu bars.  Obvioulsy, the marketing team finally hit their soy-intake limit.

While the guys in labcoats are still figuring things out, don’t expect to see me digging into a bowl of tofu.  I prefer to buy my underwear the way nature intended. 


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