Dr. Joe’s Wilmington Diet Revolution Has Begun!

How does one become a ‘weight loss expert’?

First, you need a doctoral degree (real or otherwise) and/or the name of a local seaside attraction. If you’re lacking either of these, you can also use the name of the nearest small town. Whatever you do, just be sure to put the word “diet” after it to give it some air of credibility. (words like “breakthrough” or “revolution” can make your method appear even better!)

Next, remove one or more of the seven major nutrient classes: protein, carbohydrates, fats, fiber, vitamins, minerals or water. Nevermind the fact that these are all important for your health; just put it in writing.

Now here comes the critical part: Gather testimonials from people who lost a good deal of weight in a relatively short time. Great sources are new moms (“I lost 8lbs and 3oz in just one afternoon”), food poisoning victims (“I don’t even think about my favorite foods now”) and amputees (“Everyone at work keeps asking what’s different about me since I started The _____ Diet”).

[basically, if you hang around a hospital long enough you’ll get all the marketing materials you’ll ever need.]

Finally, wait for a slow news day when you’ll contact the media about your new diet system. If the planets are aligned just right and you’ve followed my instructions to the letter, I can’t think of any reason you can’t become the next weight loss guru.

I wonder… could the Atkins diet really be the best thing since sliced bread?


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