What Happens In Vegas…?

As I’ve said many times before, ALL forms of exercise have some level of value (as well as inherent limitations). With this in mind, while I’d be happy to sit in the audience observing their movement – from a purely bio-mechanical perspective, of course :-) – don’t expect to see me teaching Las Vegas’ fitness craze, Stripper 101 anytime soon.

But as soon as the marketplace is finally ready to accept a Gentleman’s Club Patron 101 (prereq: Deeply Rooted Fantasies I’ve Been Clinging To Since Puberty 100), I’d be happy to develop a commercially marketable fitness program that begins with a warm up amongst the soft glow of black lights while seated in a comfortable chair (ergonomically correct, no less).

Don’t think the workout will be easy though. To be effective, any training program must include a progressive increase of the training variables.

Here’s A Sample Of What I Have In Mind:
First, perform an iso-tonic contraction against your overpriced, watered down drink in a glass that only gets washed once a week (if you’re lucky). Next, you’ll work contra-lateral elbow and shoulder flexion along with alternating horizontal abduction/adduction. To achieve this, you’ll hand over a progressively loaded fist weighted with a stack of dollar bills to your “training partner” – a young woman named Destiny, Candy or Mocha – she’ll have a story about how she’s working her way through college (she’s obviously on the Dean’s List, too).

Look, But Don’t Touch
Strive to maintain core activation and optimal posture throughout, if not some degree of eye contact and/or personal dignity.

To assist you in maintaining proper training tempo, a bonus CD would include such 1980’s strip club favorites as “Girls, Girls, Girls” or “Hot For Teacher”.


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