Wacky News Review


NEWS ITEM #1: Is it just me or is musician Sheryl Crow looking as rail-thin as female celebs Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan as of late?

Maybe this recent quote from Ms. Crow will clear things up…

“Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen… I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting… Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”

Sheryl, listen to me now and hear me later: If you’re able to take care of business with only one square, either you’re using super-sized toilet paper or you need to start eating more, honey.

NEWS ITEM #2: WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME – In South Africa, a gang attacked a man, forced him to strip off all his clothes and then superglued him to his exercise bike while they ransacked his home.

While I don’t think this is the best way to go about getting people to exercise, I have to give the bad guys points for originality. If they weren’t so hung up on being mean & nasty criminals and had the victim’s fitness and body composition in mind, it might have been more effective (and less painful) to just superglue the guy’s refrigerator door shut.

NEWS ITEM #3: Actor Daniel Radcliffe, best known for his role as Harry Potter, is stripping down for a theatre role in London in which he blinds 6 horses with a spike. (!!!) I was kind of hoping he’d play a South African man who gets glued to his exercise bike.

You can decide for yourself if he has a good body. As for his bathroom hygene, that’s completely out of my jurisdiction.

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