We’re All A Bunch Of Idiots
I’m speaking on behalf of the mainstream fitness industry* – certainly not myself (seeing as this is MY blog, it only makes sense that I’m granted diplomatic immunity against any personal or professional critique) – but since I’m the one making the following observation, I hereby appoint myself Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler and speaker of the house.
So anyway, our…er… I mean the fitness industry’s* collective idiocy stems from the fact that they keep trying to get John Q. Public to get onboard the so-called “fitness bandwagon”. As history continues to demonstrate, this approach just ain’t cuttin’ the mustard.
A better strategy would be to kick everyone OFF the bandwagon. Make ‘em push the darned thing. Drag it. Carry it. Run in front of it. Just don’t let ‘em plop their increasingly lazy butts on it expecting to be shuttled off to some magical land called Fitness.
* by mainstream fitness industry, I’m referring mainly to crappy infomercial gadgetry and celebrity “fitness gurus” who suggest their products make weight loss “easy”. A growing number of under-the-radar private trainers & coaches actually ‘get’ that fitness requires effort well beyond that which the marketing slicksters would have you believe. These are the people you need to start listening to. Capice?
Lifting Gloves: Fashion Statement Or A Waste of Perfectly Good Leather?
“Will my training partners think I’m a wuss if I wear ‘em?”
“Will they help my grip?”
“But what about these bleeding callouses?”
“Do these gloves make my butt look fat?”
Personally, I know that if I can’t grate a block of Parmesan cheese by dragging it across my palms, I’ve been slacking on my workouts.
Professionally, I have clients who, for one reason or another, can’t go around with calloused, bleeding hands, so I can’t always rely on my standard “don’t be a candy-ass” response when asked what I think about lifting gloves.
If you’re into powerlifting or Olympic lifting, you know that gloves aren’t allowed on the platform, so it wouldn’t make much sense for a competitive lifter to wear ‘em during training.
But what the regular guy/gal in the gym?
Perhaps a more meaningful way of looking at the glove/no-glove question for the non-competitive weight lifter is to ask: Is there a legitimate reason to NOT wear gloves?
It’s what yoga/pilates idiots freaks enthusiasts refer to as ‘mind-body connection’. The rest of us can just lump it under the category of “proprioceptive awareness”.
Call it whatever you like, but gloves dampen your body’s natural ability to FEEL. And that sense of feeling is something I certainly wouldn’t want to lose.
What you feel determines how quickly and accurately you can react to sudden (or not so sudden) changes in pressure, direction, ‘grippy-ness’ or any other forces that may come into play in and out of the gym.
If grip is your concern, try lifting chalk (magnesium carbonate – it’s available at sporting goods stores everywhere. If all else fails, search the web)
The shifting/rolling/sliding of a bar might not be a big deal if you’re using those little weights covered with pink foam, but any serious weight trainer should consider weaning themselves from their glove dependency.
Of course, the first consideration of any training program should be safety. So if you absolutely feel there’s no way you’ll be able hang on to a bar/dumbbell or any other training implement effectively without gloves, go ahead ‘n’ wear ‘em if you like. I won’t be offended. (see, I told you I have a professional side!)
If your biggest concern is overly rugged hands, you can always soak in Palmolive after your workout (ya’ big candy-ass).
***** ***** *****
I won’t bore you with the details of my extremely limited blog posting for the last month or so (yet!), but it sure feels good to be back to THE CUP. Suffice it to say, changes are on the way. More to come…
Too Frustrated To Come Up With A Quirky Title
Hi Joe,
I read this today. I hope to write on it myself as to the implications of such systematic eradication of physical activity in our children’s lives. I wanted to hear your thoughts because I greatly value your opinion. Thank you Joe.
Bobby F.
Age 25
California
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Bobby,
Thanks for alerting me to the story… As I read this article, my first instinct was to bang my head against a wall (or a fully loaded squat bar).
Now that I’m thinking (only slightly) more clearly, I’ll try to reason out a coherent response…
Should we blame the fear of physical activity on an out of control legal system? It seems like everybody’s looking for an easy payout due to “overwhelming physical and emotional trauma” attributed to childhood injuries (or the POTENTIAL of such injuries).
Or do we blame the liberal wacko movement that says we’re supposed to go out of our way to avoid ANY words/actions/thoughts that might be construed as “offensive”? (has anyone seen Jimmy Carter lately?)
If parents/administrators can’t understand that kids need to be kids, I suspect normal, healthy/active childhood games such as tag, touch football and the like will have to go ‘underground’.
Since dog fights are apparently on the list of things not-to-do, maybe we can start gambling on which kid will win at dodge-ball in an old warehouse. (Michael Vick called, he said he wants to put $400 on a kid called “Johnny Slaughter” in the 3rd round.)
There are any number of clichés/lessons one could learn from playing kids games.
- Life isn’t fair
- Cream always rises to the top
- Lose graciously
- Win with dignity
- If you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig (I don’t know how this one fits in, but I love the saying!)
Back when I was a kid (I could’ve sworn I said I’d never start a sentence with those words), I tore holes in the knees of my pants by playing aggressively on the playground. I had fun playing with my friends. Sometimes I’d lose. Sometimes I’d get bumped, bruised or bloody. But I always got back up.
The more I learned how NOT to lose/fall/etc, the faster my athletic skills developed. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have developed those skills by just reading about ‘em. In fact, we used to play a game called “Keep-away” where it was ONE kid against everybody else. (kind of like football, but there was no goal line, boundary lines or referee)
In fitness, it’s all about the SAID Principle: Specific Adaptations to Imposed Demands.
If schools refuse to impose any challenges more demanding than tiddlywinks, what the hell are the kids going to adapt TO? And maybe if there was more physical activity on the playground, there wouldn’t be such a problem with teen-pregnancy?
The more I get to know the human race, the less I want to be part of it.
Now who’s ready for a game of full-contact Twister?
Sales People: Stop Making America Fat
Fitness equipment distributors train their sales force to sell their latest configuration of plastic, aluminum, iron and computer circuitry as “cutting edge” or “state of the art”.
As such, it’s not uncommon for the typical gym or private training studio to start out with an investment of at least $100,000 in the latest & greatest equipment.
Now keep in mind, I’m NOT an equipment salesman – I’m a practitioner.
I’m also a pragmatist.
I ‘get’ that people have certain perceptions of what a gym *should* look like. Heck, they’ve been conditioned to remain deconditioned for the last 40 years. It’s hard to forget everything we ‘know’ cold-turkey.
I also ‘get’ that people want something to show for their investment of time and money. Isn’t that what it’s really about?
In 2004, I contributed a chapter (Is A Health Club Right For Me?) to a book called “The Power of Champions”. While the numbers have likely grown a bit since then, I explained…
- In 1982, there were barely 6000 health clubs in the US
- In 2003, there were more than 20,200
- More than 36,000,000 Americans belong to a health club
- Total industry revenues exceed $13 BILLION PER YEAR.
State Of The Art = Same Crap (Only Newer)
By creating more of the same, diabetes increased 33%, overweight/obesity is at an all time high and here in 2008, we’re not showing any signs of slowing down.
The “cutting edge” element doesn’t need to be the equipment, the environment or the logo on the door.
It needs to be in the way ACCURATE information is distributed.
People don’t NEED gym memberships.
Nor do they NEED personal trainers.
They need coaches/educators/mentors who can help them make the transition from “then” to “now”
They need accountability.
They need to have a base level of understanding of the consequences of their decisions.
They NEED to re-establish the fitness habit before they worry about the next “best new piece of equipment”.
Most of all, they need to accept RESPONSIBILITY and put what they learn into ACTION.
NOBODY ELSE CAN EXERCISE FOR YOU.
Seek out quality sources of information. When you find it, share it with your friends, family and anyone else who is tired of struggling to make a faulty system work.
If the fitness industry expects to be taken seriously (and not just as something you buy into while watching an infomercial at 3am), ALL OF US need to re-consider the way we provide our services.
Hear me today and believe me tomorrow, traditional gyms may work for the few, but they clearly aren’t working for the masses.
I’m Fat (And Personal Trainers Only Want My Money)
Real email. Real response (slightly edited for readability).
I realize it’s not my usual sarcasm-laced, trying-too-hard-to-be-funny post, but you might find it useful.
***** ***** *****
I’m frustrated with my weight but love to work out. I have four kids and I can’t go to a gym but I have a Precor elliptical machine and weights and cable machine in the basement. I just can’t seem to get dialed in on a diet. I hated weight watchers. I have worked with personal trainers in the past and all they wanted was my money!! I got down to 195 and 10% body fat. Now I am fat at 255. So wasn’t sure if you could help!! Have a great day!!
-Mike M.
***** ***** *****
Thanks for your email, Mike.
I’ll quickly try to point you in the right direction and save you a few bucks in the process…
Nutritionally, I can’t say enough good things about Dr. John Berardi(“JB” for short)’s programs. It’s the same system I use with my private coaching clients.
Depending how much you really want to learn about nutrition (and how much you want to spend), there are a few ways to get the information you need…
You can get the whole enchilada for about $100 (plus shipping) at PrecisionNutritionPlan.com.
OR you can get Gourmet Nutrition for $40 (plus shipping). It’s so much more than a simple ‘recipe book’, but this book gets more use than any other in my kitchen…
If you just want to test the waters before shelling out any more cash, JB created a FREE 8-day mini-course. (no shipping charges either!)
All of these options are based on the same set of 10 easy-to-understand nutritional habits.
Like you, I train at home (for a variety of reasons)… I highly recommend my ULTIMATE HOME GYM GUIDE (free pdf download) so you can learn some of my best tips & tricks for saving BIG $$$ on anything you may decide to add to your current setup.
Finally, if you need any help with your training program design/advanced training strategies, I currently have a couple openings for my Platinum-level monthly coaching program. If you’re interested, just drop me a line and we’ll start your application process right away.
-JS-
Before You Hire A Personal Trainer…
Think about what you want to accomplish. More importantly, think about why.
Still even more importantly, be specific… VERY specific about why the time is NOW. You can start a training program any time. What’s so special about today?
Above all, don’t ever tell a trainer, “I just want to get in shape”. That means absolutely nothing.
What kind of shape do you want to be in? Are you an actor and have to look a certain part for a role? Or do you just want to have your pre-(food)-baby body back? What’s your prime motivator – aesthetics or performance?
What do you want to be able to do that you can’t do right now? What prevents you from picking up your grandkids without back pain? Being able to tie your own shoes? Breaking tackles at the line of scrimmage?
How will you measure progress? Subjectively, by the way you ‘feel’? (that’s not necessarily a bad thing) Or do you need something more concrete, like your V02max, body composition, maximal strength in a particular movement or do you have a closet full of clothes you can’t quite fit into anymore? How will you know when fitness has “arrived”? Measurement eliminates argument.
Also, don’t ever say, “I’m just looking for a new workout routine”. If that’s truly the case, go to any bookstore and head directly to the magazine rack. Every month, you get a supply of new workouts for about $4 per issue. Many titles offer more than one workout, too.
(never mind the fact that most of ‘em are the same regurgitated bodybuilding-style workouts from the 1970s. You only said you wanted a new routine – no mention of the results you’re after)
For about $20, you can avoid all the supplement ads and subscription cards and buy an actual book that’ll go into greater detail about the particular training program than a magazine would ever have space to do.
Now that you know what you want and why, what are you willing to give up to achieve your goal(s)?
There’s the obvious financial commitment. But what about those comfort food binges? Excuses for missed workouts? Lack of meal planning? Can you give up those, too?
There’s nothing wrong with having priorities other than those that are fitness-related. Just don’t expect a trainer to be your ‘enabler’. We’re never going to tell you it’s okay that you had a deep-fried Snickers bar ‘because you felt a little sad’ or because you ‘just wanted to try it’. It probably does taste good. Fat and sugar can have that effect.
But even without the ‘expertise’ of a trainer, you already know THAT’S not going to help you achieve your goals.
Stop Looking For Loopholes!
Can I have a cheat day/cheat meal/cheat week?
What about a bag of chips/cookies/donuts as a post-workout meal?
Can 5 minutes on a treadmill/bike/cross trainer count as my workout for the day?
But I had to chase my kids/run around the office all day…
What about ‘diet’ cola?
I read that dark chocolate/red wine/cheese cake can be good for you
Any good training or nutrition system will have a built in margin-of-error allowing you some freedom to bend the rules. Stick to the plan and quit trying to re-invent the wheel that is fitness and weight loss.
Good Things Come To Those Who Lift Weights
Without including overly technical reasons (eg: increased insulin sensitivity), here’s my short list:
The Pros:
1) You’ll look better
2) You’ll feel better
3) You’ll move better
4) Your clothes will fit better
The Cons:
1) Requires effort
Got anything to add?
The One Thing That Really Pisses Me Off Is…
CANCER.
No, I don’t have it (hopefully), but I am a realist.
I don’t know about you, but the likelihood of me (or you) getting “the C-word” is enough to make me want to do something about it.
Eventually, we’re all gonna die of something, so why bother, right?
I’ll tell you why… its because there are more glamorous ways to check out. Parachutes that don’t open. Falling debris from space. Spontaneous combustion. Old age.
So why would anyone want to go through the agony that is cancer? Especially when you consider it’s one of those things we can actually do something about.
I’ve watched clients (and their families) suffer through it.
I have family members and friends whe were fortunate enough to survive the grueling treatment.
Chemotherapy is no way to live.
For the last couple of years, I’ve been working with a local cancer support group to get the word out that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
But sometimes, prevention’s not enough. We need the cure.
At risk of sounding like a pathetic Sally Struthers begging for “the cost of a cup of coffee a day”, I’m going to ask you, my legions of adoring fans around the world, to join me by starting this new year by doing something – right now – to help fight cancer.
If you can only give a few bucks towards cancer research, please do it. If your name happens to start with a “B” and end with an “ill Gates”, feel free to drop a couple million.
It all adds up.
Even if you’re completely broke, send a link to this post to everyone you know. Chances are, they can find a few coins under the cushions of their sofa.
The point is, whatever you can do does make a difference.
Cancer research is a numbers game. The more people (and dollars) that get involved, the faster we win the war.
In case you don’t know who or where you can help, maybe the following links will guide you:
Allan Boshell watched his wife die of pancreatic cancer and he’s doing something about it.
Alwyn Cosgrove was diagnosed TWICE – he did something about it, too.
There’s A Fine Line Between Stupid And Clever
I realize this post may appear a bit more ”soft-core” than usual, but it’s an article I originally wrote for a local ‘mainstream’ health/lifestyle magazine in Sept 2006. Enjoy!
***** ***** *****
“There’s a fine line between stupid and clever”
- David St. Hubbins (played by Michael McKean)
from the movie, This is Spinal Tap
With the functional fitness craze going stronger than ever, I occasionally find it important to point out what should be fairly obvious:
When the risk of a “functional” exercise outweighs the benefits, you might want to consider using a different exercise to achieve the desired effect.
While the joke in the fitness biz is that if you ask 10 coaches or trainers to give you the best exercise program, you’ll get at least 15 different answers, all fitness pros will agree that for a client/athlete to get the most out of their training program, it would be much better to remain injury free.
I have to admit, I was shocked (and even disappointed) when I was in a popular local gym not too long ago and saw one of my peers standing on a stability ball! – yeah, that’s the big, inflatable sphere that has a tendency to roll all over the place when you’re trying to sit on it. It may be called a stability ball, but if you’ve ever used one, you’ll know it’s anything but stable.
Yes, I understand the logic behind training with an unstable surface, and whole-heartedly recommend everyone challenge their body’s ability to “stabilize” within reason – but c’mon already! Standing a couple feet above the floor, in between heavy iron weights (even HOLDING weights) while balancing on a ball is taking the concept of “functional” or “core” fitness to an incredibly risky level.
“Regular” people (read: the 99%+ of the population not in the fitness industry) are likely to see a fitness coach doing a risky movement and figure that’s what they, too, should be doing. Heck, if I saw my doctor smoking I’d be less likely to believe nicotine is really bad for me. I just hope nobody gets hurt as a result of this irresponsible display.
Since I do agree that it is important to challenge your stability as part of a well-designed training program, I’d be remiss if I didn’t provide safer alternatives to the “circus act” of standing on a ball.
Fitness program design is all about the use of appropriate progressions.
In general, start off as stable as you need to be, yet as unstable as you can safely perform an exercise. For some, this might mean standing on the floor with both feet and a shoulder-width stance. More advanced trainees could move their stance closer together, maybe even to the point of a single-leg stance. (a narrow base of support is tougher than it sounds!)
Still not challenging enough? There is a tool called the Bosu (the half-ball with a flat base you can find in most gyms these days) would be a much safer option. While I would always question the appropriate-ness of it (or any other training implement, for that matter) it does provide the same kind of instability as a fully round ball – BUT with much lower risk of injury by falling.
Airex pads (made with special closed-cell foam – it feels like standing on jell-o!) and dyna-discs (inflatable “pancakes”) can also provide more than enough of a “functional” challenge.
Want an even simpler progression to challenge your ability to stabilize in a “functional” environment? Try standing on one leg and closing your eyes while doing an exercise. If you think you might fall, quickly open your eyes and put both feet down. By effectively removing one of your five senses from an exercise forces you to rely more on what you feel (this is also called “Proprioception” – and provides the same effect as standing on the ball but without the unnecessary risk.
Just remember, challenging doesn’t have to mean high-risk. Train hard, but more importantly, train smart.
Become A ‘Two-Trick Pony’
If I could excel at only 2 exercises, they would have to be the deadlift and the T-pushup.
- Both can be done with minimal equipment.
- Both use a lot of energy-burning muscle.
- Both require your body to work together as a fine-tuned machine.
- Both strengthen the musculature of the “posterior chain”.
- Both challenge the body to produce, reduce and stabilize forces in all 3 planes of motion.
- Both have limitless progressions/regressions, making them excellent exercise choices for people of nearly any age or physical ability.
- Both require effort and concentration (aka: hard work) – therefore most ‘regular-folk’ won’t do ‘em. Instead, they’ll opt for countless situps and bicep curls – and have the body/performance to show for it.
To put it simply, these 2 exercises could easily be the foundation of any training plan for any goal.
To give you an idea ‘what can be done’, my former training partner, multi-world champion powerlifter Ed Coan, deadlifted over 900lbs at a bodyweight of 220.
And functional fitness guru Juan Carlos Santana (no, not the guitarist!) is said to have done multiple T-pushups with an 85lb dumbbell (yikes!).
As long as you have a single dumbbell and a li’l bit of floor space, you can do T-pushups. And even if you don’t have a gym membership or a fully stocked home gym, you can pick up a 300lb weight set (incl. bar) for about 100 bucks at most sporting goods stores (or you already know how to find ‘em even cheaper if you’ve read my home gym guide) and do deadlifts in a corner of your basement, garage or backyard.
While there is no ‘magic pill’ for weight loss, by tweaking the sets, reps, rest periods, frequency or any other variables, these two moves can become key ingredients to help you get bigger, badder, stronger, leaner or meaner.
I’m So Happy I Was Born Without A Uterus
It should come as no surprise when I say I will never understand women.
Fortunately, I do have estrogen-dominant friends who are willing to explain things to me in real simple terms.
What you’re about to read is a REAL letter from a REAL person. I got her permission to post it here at The Cup as long as I keep her identity under wraps (you never know when someone may decide to shift gears and make the jump into politics).
I added the links within the text where I thought it might be useful/informative or in some way add to the entertainment value of this already humorous story, but don’t let ‘em distract you.
Ladies, enjoy. Guys, let’s see if we can’t learn something here.
(I’ll comment again at the end of her letter)
************************
Joe-
I thought of your blog while being stalked at the gym today.
I began my workout and noticed a strange man watching me, so I ignored him and went to a different area of the gym.
He followed.
After having him pace around me while doing standing straight bar curls and nearly bumping into me a few times, I again left to find a new area.
I found a nice secluded corner of the gym to do a few sets, and you guessed it, he followed me again!
I made one last effort for seclusion, because as you know, I want my space.
So I set up an area for a little circuit. I was doing isolated dumbbell curls, pushups and abs.
After my pushups I walked out to a different area to do an ab exercise and guess who jumped onto my bench I was working out on.
“The stalker”.
Now mind you, there were 4 other open benches and only 2 other people in an area that is 30′x30′. But no, he had to jump right into my space.
As I approached him with the “Get the &^*&)* off my bench” look he responded with a cheesy ‘hey baby’ smile.
Are you kidding me?
This dope was trying to hit on me by interrupting my workout!
After I got done laughing to myself about the absurdity of thinking interrupting ones workout is the best way to make an introduction, I went back to reclaim my space.
I sat back down on my bench, started lifting and the 2007 Darwin award winner sat next to me and said “Hi, I’m Bob” and started lifting a weight lighter than mine.
I finished my set, looked at this guy and said “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
He stood up and walked away whispering “bitch” under his breath.
I was speechless. (mainly because I prefer to be addressed as ”Queen Bitch”)
I think this guy missed a few behavioral clues that would have saved us both some time……
1. Hat, headphones and sweat mean don’t bother me
2. Fiddling with my iPOD means don’t talk to me
3. Never stopping between sets to sit and gaze at oneself in the mirror means don’t interrupt me….go away!
4. The fact I was wearing less spandex than him should have been a big clue that I was obviously not in his league
5. The fact he lifted less weight than me should have been a clue he was not in my league
6. And, lastly according your recent post, “Will You Stop Staring At Me?”, the fact that I don’t make eye contact means I am not attracted to you!
I am not sure I will ever adapt to the health-club pick-up mentality.
Doesn’t anyone remember the old days where respect was earned and given as the 1st phase of gym-relationships?
Of course, the 2nd phase would involve peeking thru the hole in the wall near the showers to determine if you should actually ask them out!
(Name and location withheld by request)
************************
Ok, it’s me, Joe, again.
Well, fellas… did we learn anything today? Do the women have anything to add?
And like I said in the beginning, the odds are that I will never understand women but even I am smart enough to steer clear of women that wear less spandex in the gym than I do – hehe!
Porn Stars and Armadillos
You do have some experience lifting weights, don’t you?
(here’s the part where you say ‘Yes, Joe. Of course I do.’)
Great! Then you probably know exactly what I’m talking about when I refer to ”porn star ass” and “armadillo back”.
(“Did he really just say ‘porn star ass’?”)
Don’t Worry, I Got Your Back
Seated and bent rows, stiff legged deadlifts and many other exercises challenge the postural muscles of your back and can be dangerous if not performed without attention to form.
When talking shop with my peers, I have no problem speaking in terms of anterior pelvic tilt/contra-lateral reach/terminal hip extension and so on, but for “regular” people (eg: my typical clients, models at photo shoots, etc), I find it much easier to get my point across by using (ahem) “common language”.
Today, I’d like to introduce you to two of my favorite ”cues”: Armadillo back and porn star ass.
Both are terms I’d use to help a client find “neutral spine”, and are at extreme opposite ends of the curve, so to speak.
Armadillo back could also be referred to as ‘halloween cat’ (a seasonal variation I like to use in October) and is characterized by an excessive rounding of the spine.
On the other side of the coin, we have the very classy porn star ass. It’s easily recognizable by the increased arch of the lower back and a little-too-much-backside sticking out (this is a sassy little combination of ’anterior pelvic tilt and lumbar extension’ if you’re really interested).
I don’t think there are many armadillos capable of reading this blog, but if you do happen to be a porn star (or are an armadillo listening to a podcast version of this post), you probably shouldn’t spend too much time worrying about back problems due to frequent repetition of your respective spinal positions. We love you just the way you are.
The real risk of injury increases when you start loading the movement and/or add in too much rotation.
Neutral spine is somewhere in between the two extremes. You can (and should be able to) locate it from any position. If you have too much armadillo, shift toward porn star – and vice versa.
Isn’t fitness fun?
An Open Letter To Britney Spears
10 Sept 2007
Dear Ms. Spears,
Regardless of the mass-media’s critical reviews of your performance/appearance at last night’s VMA awards, I’d like to congratulate you for returning to the stage after (what I’d assume to be) a very challenging time in your personal life.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should probably tell you now that I’m not your biggest fan. Please don’t take this personally, though. The fact is, my musical taste is more along the lines of Iron Maiden, Ozzy and Megadeth (though I will admit Toxic is one of my guilty pleasures!).
Now I’ll get right to the point: I don’t know who, if anyone, you’re currently working with, but if you want help getting your body back, I’d like to help you.
I’m not interested in tabloid drama, relationship gossip, your hairstyle or how you raise your children. As long as it’s not me, I don’t particularly care who you clobber with an umbrella. My only interest is in giving you a body you’re happy with - on stage and off.
Please understand this is not an offering of my services for free - and I’m certainly not cheap, even by Hollywood standards. I’d put you through the same application process I would any other client – and I should warn you that many people can’t even make it past my first ‘assignment’.
I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume we can get to the point where we agree to work together - As long as you’re willing to give me 110% effort, I see no reason you can’t have a “Greatest Hits…” body again, and in a surprisingly short time – but if at any time I get the sense you’re no longer committed to your training program, I’ll have no problem walking away.
My offer to help is on the table. If you’re interested in talking, have your people contact me and we’ll set up a time for your intake interview.
Regards,
-JS-
Joe Stankowski
Men’s Fitness training adviser
Co-Author of “The Power of Champions”
IDEA Master Fitness Trainer
No, I’m Not Gay Bashing. Just Read This.
Back in the 1970s, the classic American Cancer Society’s black & white poster, “Smoking Is Very Glamorous“, was enough to keep me ever from wanting to light up. Some 30 odd years later, I still have nightmares of that haggard old face and wrinkled fingers clutching a cig with a rigor mortis grip.
Always quick to jump on the coat tails of America’s most successful marketing methods, our British brothers (and sisters)-in-arms are about to launch their newest weapon in the modern war against fags (look, it’s Brit-speak for cigarettes, okay? I don’t make this stuff up).
Much more colourful than the lone ACS poster of my youth, those quirky Brits are about to unveil a series of 15 images in their anti-smoking arsenal - each one more disgusting than the last (well, you’d have to set them up in order to get that effect, but you get the idea)
I have to wonder what a digestive system would look like after a lifetime of deep fried fish & chips.
F The Y
Today, I was discriminated against by the YMCA. Not the whole organization (yet!), but by a “personal trainer” who works there. This has nothing to do with race, gender or religious beliefs. It’s because I have some level of understanding of things that he does not.
How do I know he was a personal trainer? It was obvious by the way he was standing around with nothing to do (plus it said so on his t-shirt, so it must be true)
As I was walking toward the water fountain between sets, he looked down at my feet and while frantically shaking his head back and forth began whining “no, no, NO! What the hell are THOSE?”
I explained that “THOSE” are my new VibramFiveFingers shoes.
Obviously in effort to cover his own ass from any perceived liability issues, he suggested I don’t wear them when I work out. Even though I explained why it can actually be beneficial to allow ones feet to move naturally while exercising (and a growing pile of research supports this), he had no interest in discussing simple biomechanics. As far as he was concerned, if it’s not in Muscle & Fiction magazine, it can’t possibly be true.
So I then changed tactics and tried speaking in a language he might understand.
Under the rules posted in the fitness center, it states: equipment must be used as intended.
I asked if our feet were intended to be bound by a combination of leather, rubber, stitching and laces? Does the raised, cushioned heel provide a compensation for some missing appendage we’re all born without?
He then pointed to a sign that said no open toe shoes.
I stared blankly as I struggled to figure out what was going on inside his closed-mind.
Are my VibramFiveFingers open toed? Not at all. In fact, they have 5 individual, very comfortable CLOSED toes which allow my feet to move as nature intended.
“Personal Trainer” then explained to me that because the TOP of my foot wasn’t protected, I’d be at greater risk of injury if a weight fell on me than if I wore a more conventional sneaker.
According to my Philadelphia-based friend and colleague Jo-Ellen Marks - a former recreational therapist at Temple University’s Woodhaven Center [she also has 3 years of self-defense training under her belt. Trust me, she knows how to break you and you certainly don’t want to get on her bad side!], it takes roughly 10lbs of force to the bones on the top of your foot to cause a break. For all practical purposes, it doesn’t matter what kind of athletic shoe you wear – if a weight lands on your foot, expect it to hurt.
Where’s the phone booth?
If “personal trainer” is so concerned about safety, maybe he should do something about the morons walking around with their cell phones plastered to the side of their heads and not paying attention to their surroundings while some people are there to use the gym as it was intended. Next time, I might not put my back at risk by avoiding the insertion of a deadlift bar up some idiot’s ass by stopping mid-rep and cutting my own set short.
Now I do agree that feet should be covered to prevent the spread of fungal infections (ie athlete’s foot) in a gym setting. If you work out at home (as I often do), you can train wearing snowshoes or go completely naked for all I care.
I also agree that it’s important to have enough friction with whatever surface you’re training on as to prevent slippage – unless you’re training on a slideboard, of course.
Wrestling shoes, Nike Free’s (too narrow for my Flintstone-like feet) and FiveFingers all fit the bill. Even world-class powerlifters will lift hundreds of pounds with only the minimal support and “protection” of ballet-slippers, so don’t tell me you need the support of an overpriced sneaker to lift properly.
To suggest it’s in some way “better” to force gym members to develop a reliance on artificial stabilization, anti-pronation bars and gel-filled shock absorbing heels when our bodies are designed to do just that is as irresponsible as a trainer can get – but that’s what I’ve come to expect from the YMCA.
If you want “safe”, why not distribute wheel chairs and straight jackets to everyone who walks through the door?
I wonder what he’d say if I wore steel toed boots, a tyvek suit and full-face respirator next time I work out.
According to the YMCA of Delaware website…
The YMCA of Delaware is an association of people of all ages, ethnic groups and religious affiliations that strives to cultivate the human potential, self-esteem, and dignity of all people. Our organization exists to develop and practice the Christian principles of love, caring, inclusiveness, justice and peace…and to enrich the emotional, physical and social life of all individuals, families and our community.
Yeah, right.
The People Have Spoken…
One of the many reasons I moved The Cup from blogger to WordPress a couple months ago is for the advanced stats feature. I get a kick out of the search terms used by unsuspecting web-surfers who are (un)fortunate enough to stumble upon this blog.
For some reason, “Samuri Knife Sharpener” and “MySpace Surveys” are always big traffic pullers, but this week it seems there’s been quite a few people interested in “preventing bulky muscles“.
In an attempt to satsify the unquenchable thirst for knowledge demonstrated by my growing constituent base of blogophiles, I’m gonna do the unthinkable and let you in on the secret to avoiding those ugly ol’ muscles you’re so afraid of:
1) Do not use anabolic-androgenic steroids (note: these are different from the steroids your doctor prescribed for your inflammation problem or wheezing/asthma)
2) Have typical genetics
3) Be female
Now that we’ve got that cleared up, feel free to lift weights in whatever set/rep combination you so choose. As painful as it may be for me to say, bulk is not in your future, my friend.
See Also:
MySpace Survey
7 Blunders of the Fitness World
Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams
I’m Gonna Be Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams!
This seems to be a regularly recurring conversation I have with a prospective client, most often a woman…
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Prospect: “I tried lifting weights once and I developed big, bulky muscles.”
Me: “Once? You mean like a 12-16 week hypertrophy (muscle growth) program?”
Propect: “No, I mean ONE time. I went to the gym a few years ago, lifted weights and got all big and muscle-y. I don’t want that to happen again. Maybe I should just do yoga?”
Me: (while ramming the nearest screwdriver deep into my ear) “GRRRRAAAKKKKKK!!!!!”
In the old days, I would’ve taken as much time as necessary to reassure this one-time weightlifter that unless she’s using massive amounts of anabolic steroids and has parents named Helga and ”Bear”, it’s highly unlikely she’s even capable of building too much of that “icky” muscle.
Today, I’m more likely to hand over a card for some random yoga quack, er… instructor, and wish her good luck in getting “toned”.
In the interest of being a nice guy (and I have no idea what’s come over me right now), for one last time, I’ll walk you through my over-simplified explanation of how it might be possible to get ‘big/bulky’ muscles after one trip through the weight room. Ready? Good. Let’s go.
If you hit your thumb with a hammer, what happens?
Yes, of course I know it hurts, but what else?
In case you’re struggling, inflammation is the answer I was looking for.
When your body experiences soft tissue trauma, it is usually accompanied by some degree of pain and inflammation of the surrounding tissue. It serves to immobilize the area to prevent further damage. If nothing else, it’ll remind you not to hit your thumb again, ya’ big dope.
Weight training is sort of like repeatedly hitting your muscle fibers with a hammer – a lot of ‘em. Initially – like ANY soft tissue damage - you can expect inflammation and localized fluid retention. This will “inflate”the tissue temporarily until your body adapts to this new found stress and makes the appropriate adaptations. If you really over-did it, you may even experience a good deal of post-workout soreness as a not-so-subtle reminder to take it a little easier the next time. Exercise is all about progression, ya’ know. But immediate muscle growth? No way – no how – ’tain’t gonna happen.
But if you still insist that you really do put on muscle that quickly…
“Lady, if you have some kind of training technique where you can only train ONCE and build anything meaningful, there is a huge market of high school geeks (and jocks, too) all the way up to 40-something-year-old-men sitting in their corporate cubicles, wearing suits off the rack just wishing they could somehow recapture their mis-spent youth and finally get those bulging biceps they were never willing to work for in the first place.
“If you’ll be so kind as to let me in on your little secret, I’d be happy to write the book and do all the marketing. All I want is a measly 10% of the profits. By the way, here’s a yoga instructor I’d recommend…”
What I Learned About Fitness From A Stripper
Several years ago, I was at a fitness conference in NYC that drew attendees from all around the world. You’d find everyone from part-time aerobics instructors who teach classes simply to offset the cost of their gym memberships all the way up to some of the most recognizable names in the business.
Of course, I always enjoy learning cutting edge techniques and the different philosophies my peers use during the lecture portion of the 3 day weekend event, but I’ve found the personal networking opportunities especially valuable.
After the day’s seminars were through, I’d always try to get acquainted with other trainers and learn more about them and the way they run their business. One evening, I met a trainer from Florida. There’s nothing especially shocking about meeting fitness trainers from the sunshine state, except this guy had a really interesting story. Before he got into the fit-biz, he was a male-stripper for 14 years.
Although he claimed to be very successful with his business, I quickly got the impression that he’d have trouble telling his acetabulum from a hole in the ground. But even with his limited textbook knowledge or experience in the industry, he taught me something absolutely mind-blowing about helping clients get results.
His success as a trainer was based around one simple concept: people want to have fun.
Now listen, I’m no dummy and I’m smart enough to realize that nobody really wants to do the hard work. But they do want the results and are usually willing to sacrifice some level of comfort to get the rewards. Most of us with a more traditional background (read: clothes stay on while working) would take something people didn’t want to do (i.e. exercise) and do our damnedest to repackage it as something more enjoyable – see how good that painful, burning, achy sensation feels?
“Mr. Stripper’s” approach was completely opposite. He’d find clients in upscale apartment complexes and arrange pool parties. There’d be tiki-lamps, grass skirts and he’d have some music along with light food and drinks available. Who wouldn’t show up for that?
After a while, once the guests got comfortable being arouond each other (you gotta figure, they’re all in bathing suits), he’d start moving ‘em into the pool where he’d lead an aqua-fitness class. Since they were already having so much fun at the party; their perception of the water-based physical activity was that it was just part of the good times.
Man, this guy was a genius!!! Ok, so he may have been highly intoxicated when he told me his story, but he was genius nonetheless. Drawing on his ‘entertainment industry’ background, he knew enough to give people exactly what they wanted. Then he threw a bit of exercise into mix when they weren’t even thinking about it.
Every time he threw another party, they wouldn’t just come back for more fun – they’d drag their friends along, too! As a side-effect of all this “partying”, they got the results they wanted without any perception of hard work.
Now why didn’t I think of that?
21 Reasons I Prefer To Train At Home
- I can use lifting chalk and make as much of a mess as I care to
- I can grunt
- I can swear
- I can bleed
- I choose the equipment
- I determine the ‘hours of operation’
- I don’t have to wait for someone to finish using the piece of equipment I want to use
- I can turn my headbangin’ music as LOUD as I want to
- I can even listen to Paula Abdul (oh, sh*t. Did I say my ‘guilty pleasure’ out loud?)
- I can turn off all music and train in total silence (other than the near-meditative clanging of iron plates gently crashing into each other)
- I can take my shirt off
- I can take my shoes off
- I could wear one of those Borat-style full body thong-y things if I was so inclined
- No membership fees
- I’m not bothered by the typical pack of hot, young, spandex-bound groupies hounding me for an autograph or an “all access backstage pass”
- If a piece of equipment is worn/broken, I KNOW it will get repaired/replaced
- No guy at the front desk trying to sell me supplements/clothing/etc
- I never worry about placing any part of my body in the same place that somebody else’s head/butt left a disgusting imprint of sweat
- I don’t have to do the same ineffective, boring machine based exercises that everyone else does or risk looking like a freak for training “different”
- I don’t have to put the magazine away when I’m done with it
- I have total control
Now I’m not saying anybody has to do what I do, but if you are anything like me and prefer to train at home for your own reasons, I suggest you high-tail it over to HomeExerciseResources and download a free copy of my 14 page guide to creating the ultimate home gym and find out how you can save serious cash on just about any equipment you’re looking for.
Risk:Benefit
EVERYTHING in life comes with some degree of risk
If you’re gonna eat, there’s that slim chance you may get food poisoning or choke.
If you cross the street, there’s a chance you may trip on the curb or get hit by a car.
If you get out of bed, you might stub your toe (doh!).
If you exercise, there’s the chance you’ll get injured - maybe even drop dead in the middle of a workout.
Risk vs. Benefit
As living, breathing people, we simply have to accept that risk is a part of life – there’s no way around it.
But not all risk should be avoided even if we could. Lewis & Clark, Neil Armstrong and Jimi Hendrix were the first to venture into their respective territories. They realized that the potential for benefis outweighed any risks (preceived or real) and through their efforts, they reshaped the face of the world.
The real trick is in knowing how to minimize risk to an acceptable level of tolerance. Chew your food (and don’t talk with your mouth full!), look both ways before crossing the street, pay attention to your surroundings and recognize potential obstacles.
It’s your choice: Follow a proven path to fitness or be a pioneer. You might just stumble upon the fountain of youth (or die trying).
[side note: last week I was interviewed by Dr. Chris Mohr at MealPlans101. It's a quick read and you can find it right here - enjoy!]
Get Jacked!
Dear Joe,
My gym doesn’t have one of those fancy jacks for loading/unloading the bar when I deadlift, and it can be a real pain in the ass – especially when it’s loaded with 45lb plates. Is there an easy way to make one at home?
Signed,
A dead-tired dead-lifter
Salt Lake City, UT
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Dear “Dead”,
Sure, anyone could pull out a blowtorch and an arc welder and whip something up, but a much easier solution is to use a 2.5lb plate as a weight changing platform.
Let’s say you have 5 plates on each side. Set the 2.5 on the floor right in front of the innermost 45lb plate. Now all you need to do is roll the whole thing on top of it. All but the inside plate are now hanging free about 1/4″ off the ground and removal is a snap. Repeat on the other side.
So this technique will be most effective, DO NOT remove the innermost 45 until you’ve taken off all the outer plates from both sides.
And while we’re at it, here’s a handy tip to help you remember the correct way to set the table for your post-workout meal: “Fork” and “left” both have 4 letters. “Knife”, “spoon” and “right” all have 5. Remember this and you’ll never be embarrased in front of your more ‘proper’ gym buddies again.
Harry Potter and the Steroid Scandal
Performance enhancing drugs (anabolic steroids) are here to stay. There’s just too much money on the line to risk being average. That goes for ALL professional sports.
Gary Player made the news when he revealed the shocking truth: a golfer has used steroids (gasp!).
A Cure For The Yips
Steroids don’t just make a person ’strong like bull’. They give you a much greater ability to recover from the rigors of training and competition.
Given a possibility of being able to focus on the game without having to worry about all those li’l aches and pains that accumulate through the golf season, of course golfers are going to look for anything that’ll give ‘em the edge. Wouldn’t you?
Life Imitates Art Imitates Life?
Now that golf and pro wrestling have ‘officially’ made the fateful move to become one sport, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before Phil Mickelson kills his family and then commits suicide with a left handed sand wedge [mmmmm....sand-wich] in a steroid induced rage.
J.K. Rowling, Listen Up… Here’s Your Next Book!
If the game of Quidditch ever shows signs of becoming a serious money-maker, you can bet your golden snitch the students at Hogwarts will feel the temptation to use performance enhancing substances. Hell, Harry Potter already uses a souped-up broomstick to outplay Slytherin. Couldn’t the “Nimbus 2000″ be considered “performance enhancing”?
If Malfoy ever has an opportunity for a multi-million dollar contract and the chance to be on a box of Wheaties, you know he’ll do whatever it takes for a shot at his place in the history books as well as his family’s financial security for generations to come. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
The World As I See It
If fans, players, congress, etc really want an even playing field, every athlete should be required to follow the exact same training program, eat the same food, practice the same way, compete in the same environments and get the same amount of sleep. The reality is that we all have our own ‘best’ ways of doing things and that’s what makes sports performance training so darned interesting.
Scientific research provides us with clues as to how we can make ourselves better. To deny the use of pharmaceuticals in professional sports is to deny progress as humans. Ethically, scientists can’t do a ‘proper’ steroid study but pro athletes are voluntary guinea pigs. And for that, I thank them all.
Besides, at the professional level of any sport, it’s no longer about the game itself, but the entertainment. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, either.
Oldies But Goodies
The ancient Romans really had things figured out.
No, I’m not referring to aquaducts, numerals (i.e. MCXVII), the letter “G “(a big thanks to Spurius Carvilius Ruga for giving us that one) or those faux-hawk military helmets sporting a stylish horsehair crest.
I’m talking about their use of language. It seems to me that a large number of latin phrases reflect the Roman’s understanding of all-things-health-and-fitness.
Julius Ceasar said, “fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt” (as a rule, men willingly believe that which they wish to).
Could ol’ Jules have somehow foreseen our present-day weight loss industry and the way people continue to believe in spot reduction? Even though these same people understand this isn’t the case, could the overwhelming desire for a flat stomach be the reason they continue to fall victim to quick-fix marketing gimmicks?
The truth is, gutta cavat lapidem non vi sed saepe cadendo (a drop hollows a stone not by force, but by falling often)
My interpretation: Regular exercise is more effective than sporadic attempts hoping for immediate gratification.
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The Jefferson Society has the motto, haec olim meminisse iuvabit (one day, this will be pleasing to remember)
My interpretation: As much as you may think exercise sucks today, when you’re “lean & mean”, you’ll wonder why you didn’t commit to fitness sooner.
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Or what about solvitas perambulum (solve it as you walk)?
My interpretation: When you’re working on a project at work or school and can’t seem to make any progess, get up off your butt and exercise. Your mind will quickly become clearer plus you’ll reap the long term physical benefits.
Now backing up my advice with facta, non verba (actions, not words), it’s time for me to get a workout!
Ad Multos Annos
(To A Long Life!)
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
