I <3 Meat
My name is Joe and I am an animal killer
I like to hunt.
I fish when I can.
I wear and use products derived from animals.
I eat meat.
When it is neither convenient nor cost effective for me to do so myself, I will gladly pay others for their animal killing and processing services.
Maybe it is murder by proxy, but nobody – including you – will make me feel the least bit guilty about it.
I guess it’s in my genes…
***** ***** *****
For roughly 60 years, my grandfather (now in his mid-80s) has bred and raised dairy cows, nourished them and provided them with a warm, dry barn for shelter in return for their milk. He continues the process to this day, although one of my uncles has officially taken over farming operations.
My grandparents raised 12 children and would “decommission” a cow every year so the family would have something to eat. Of course, everyone drank the raw, unpasteurized milk their cows produced and they grew their own fruit and vegetables in the garden/orchard. There was a time when Grandma baked 6 loves of bread every day and canned/pickled/preserved anything she could get her hands on.
Enough About Grandma’s Bread. Let’s Get Back To The Cows…
Thanks to a special diet complete with individualized supplementation of minerals, Grandpa’s cows produce milk with high butterfat content – ideal for cheese production. The milk is sold to a local processing plant so you have something to melt on your pizza or put in your salad.
When I was 13 years old, I helped my grandpa butcher a cow on his farm. I vividly recall the moment when he reached into the dead cow’s mouth and said, “This is a tongue that’ll tell no more lies.” He cut it off and flung it into a bucket to be ground up with other parts.
Grandpa always had an odd sense of humor,
but he didn’t slaughter cows for fun.
When it was time to refill the freezer and a cow’s milk-producing days were done, my grandpa humanely put an end to his animal’s life behind the barn with a .22 caliber rifle shot to the head.
This is as “socially conscious” as it gets.
My grandfather, a WWII Navy veteran (Radioman First Class; 1942-46), knows it’s either eat or be eaten. He provided food for his offspring. And he taught them a valuable life-lesson in finding their own food when it was time to leave the nest (although some of my aunts & uncles find it easier to just go to the local supermarket).
Deny your birthright if you must, but it is the NATURAL order of things.
We Are Animals
Our mouths are filled with teeth which NATURE has provided for us to cut, tear and chew meat. (Mine are still 100% cavity free, by the way)
Our bodies NATURALLY produce enzymes which allow us to digest and assimilate the amino acids meat delivers in such a tasty package.
Since we’re not fast like a cheetah or strong like a bear (well, I am, but I’ve never been one to brag), we have to ‘outsmart’ our prey…
Which brings us to the present-day meat production industry
In an effort to balance environmental responsibility while also producing enough food for the public at large, animals are selected, herded into feedlots and their meat is systematically processed and distributed so people have something to put on their plate when they get home from work.
My grandfather only did this once every year or so for his own family. If you would prefer to kill and process your own food, maybe we wouldn’t need such intensive farming/slaughtering techniques as can be found in the Alec Baldwin-hosted PETA propaganda videos making the email/YouTube rounds.
Maybe it’s not exactly fun to watch.
Maybe it’s not something you personally want to do.
Maybe it’s unfortunate and tragic that we live in a country of 300 million+ people – each with the NATURAL ability and right to consume the very foods we, as a species, have been eating since we crawled away from the primordial ooze and found our way to the top of the food chain.
But until someone comes up with a better way to provide affordable, palatable and NATURAL meat to the masses, you’ll just have to understand our current systems of meat production are a “necessary evil”.
Would you rather eat a steak that lived and died “unhappy” or would you prefer to be sick and malnourished while surviving on ”organic” salads as the animal population spirals out of control?
I choose the former.
This is what human animals do to ensure survival of our species.
***** ***** *****
Meat: The Ultimate Renewable Resource
Modern farming is more than a potted tomato plant on your balcony. Numbers are carefully monitored and adjusted to be sure demand doesn’t overtake supply. Unless you’re willing to pay $100 a pound for your 96% lean ground beef from cattle raised at Club Med, you have to accept that farming science – like ANY science – requires time and resources to progress.
If you want to eat like a rabbit for personal/religious/health reasons, go ahead. I have no problem with your choice. That just leaves more meat for me.
But if you reject meat for purely “social’ reasons (read: to impress your friends), rather than throw away money for such an un-natural “cause“, wouldn’t it make more sense to donate to research programs investigating farming methods that meet your standards?
Life can be cruel and unfair. But are there not enough injustices in the world that people really have to make “the rights” of an animal such a priority?
Until animals come up with a meaningful way to contribute to society and pay taxes, I’m willing to accept their meat and hides as payment.
The Free-Range Argument
You think rush hour traffic is bad now? Imagine what would happen if we just let cows, pigs and chickens run completely wild and free.
Given the finite amount of farm land and a human population that continues to breed and expand, the only feasible option is to contain and monitor livestock in a controlled environment.
It’s not only good for us, but one might even argue that it protects the animals from other predators that are even more hungry and eager to kill than we are.
Hunt Or Be Hunted
When it comes down to it, we are all food. Whether anyone likes it or not, I will continue to eat, wear and enjoy all the creature comforts animals provide.
-JS-
P.S. I am also an organ donor (It’s on my driver’s license – I haven’t actually given anything away yet). When my time comes to an end, if you want to take my hard-earned muscle tissue and make burgers out of me in order to save a cow, go ahead. Until then, all you meat-sympathizers can kiss my flank steak.
P.P.S. For you ‘old-timers’ who are scratching your heads wondering what the hell “<3″ means in the title of this post, carefully turn your monitor counter-clockwise 90 degrees and the emoticon should become clear :-)
America Forfeits World War II
Turns out Floyd Landis lost his case and has to forfeit his 2006 Tour de France title.
He claims he didn’t use banned performance enhancing drugs while the tests supposedly say otherwise.
We’re really only talking about riding a bike over some hills, right?
When it comes down to it, only Floyd knows the truth. If he’s honest with himself and didn’t break any rules of the competition, title or not, he still won.
Even if he loaded up on every form of testosterone, growth hormone and all the cans of Red Bull he could find, fact of the matter is, he still came in first place when it counted.
Seems to me that sports are a lot like war: You do what you have to do to win.
Feed The War
Perhaps the most ironic twist of fate ever, the very downfall of our society might just be the powerful weapon we need to enlist to finally end the war in Iraq.
The solution is suprisingly simple and can be summed up in only two words: Fast food.
Now hear me out. I’ve thought this through for at least 15 minutes and I know it can work.
What if the “Big 3″ – Burger King, McDonalds and Taco Bell - would join forces and ‘sponsor’ this war? They could give support to US and allied troops by providing nutrient-void meals to the insurgents and terrorists in the region. (And if they’d like to send a few month’s worth of ‘rations’ to Nancy Pelosi while they’re at it – I’d even be happy to pay for her first week of ”value meals”).
Children in America would have a chance to get healthy again as the billions of marketing dollars which are currently spent to lead them down the road of deep-fried bliss would be diverted to a more meaningful cause.
The burden of cost would be shifted to fast food junkies here in the USA - but the good news is you can still get your meal biggie-sized for only a quarter more.
I realize it’s not an instant death for those members of the axis of evil, but by the end of the first month of an all-American diet, they’ll be so run down and lethargic, we could leave just a handful of “peacekeeping” troops in the region to shoot McFish in a barrel.
It’s a “green” solution, too!
When we’re finished in the Mid-East, our fast food sponsors can then ship the used cooking oil to North Korea where Kim Jong Il will surely recycle it to power his shiny new biodiesel generator.
Freedom is never free… but you do get a very nice toy with every kids meal.
Wish I’d Thought Of That!
While my personal and professional opinions of commercial gyms is fairly well-documented (starting with my chapter in The Power Of Champions), perhaps my friend and fellow MF-er Jason Ferrugia says it best in this post.
See also:
Why I prefer to train at home
My experience at the YMCA
America Gets Shafted
How can the USA expect to maintain it’s status as the lone global superpower when we don’t even have an appropriately named exercise to show our superiority in the weight room?
You may see why this is troubling to me when you consider the following list of ‘national exercises’:
Romanian deadlifts
Turkish get-ups
Bulgarian split-squats
Roman chair sit-ups
Russian twists
French press
Cuban press
Chek press (yes, I realize it’s named for Paul Chek and not the Czech Republic, but just work with me, will ya? Some of us have blogs to write.)
The cold war has been over for awhile and I can tolerate Russia having their own movement… but the French? Why can’t they be satisfied with toast, dressing, fries and kissing?
I’ve traveled through much of France and from what I observed, pumping iron isn’t a part of their cultural makeup. If there’s a way to take a resistance-based exercise away from them, I’m all for it. Maybe a quick call to the United Nations will clear things up.
Ok, now back to our own problem for a minute… I’d like to nominate the classic, All-American pushup as our country’s namesake movement. My backup choices are the power clean and the military press.
Maybe readers o’ The Cup have their own suggestions for an (un)official American exercise?
Have some pride, people. Let’s show the French what we’re made of!
Cast your vote by leaving a comment below.
I Ain’t ‘fraid Of No Fat
By now, you’ve probably heard how fish oil/EFA supplementation protects you from everything from heart disease to cancer to cold sores to hang nails and even the black plague so I won’t bother to redesign the wheel.
But… one question I’m often asked is “how much”.
If you read the label on most of these wonder-supps, it’ll probably say “1-2 capsules daily” or something to that effect. I’ve also found that most of these healthy fats come in potencies ranging from 750 to 1000mg.
There are the guys who clutch their clipboards as they sit around the office in white lab coats who really study this stuff. You’ll often find them engaged in light banter, discussing the finer details of the tricarboxylic cycle and making jokes about how the “dolts on the outside” don’t understand metabolic pathways, yet even they can’t come to a clear answer on how much is enough.
I’m not one of them. [Far from it, in fact ;)]
But I do still have my own personal and professional interest in the matter of supplementation, especially when it comes to dietary fats.
The latest research/reports I’ve seen recommend anything from 3 to 12 grams of fish oil a day.
So to answer the “how much fish oil” question – not from a pure scientific standpoint, mind you, but from what I consider a much more practical approach - I’ll tell ya’ what I do and let you take it from there…
First (and perhaps most importantly) I don’t take fish oil – or any other supplement for that matter – with expectations of a ‘miracle cure’.
Supplements are just that: supplements. Not substitutes. Not medications. It’s simply a little “insurance” against any deficiencies your already healthy diet might have.
Now if I lived in an igloo and ate salmon 3 times a day, I probably wouldn’t need to supplement with fish oil. But since I live/work/travel in the continental USA, I have the same food choices common throughout much of the western world. By this, I mean saturated fat is all too easy to get.
Have you ever seen a big chicken?
I eat beef. I chose lean cuts whenever possible. Rather than freak out about my fat intake everytime a hamburger comes within reach, I simply balance (do not underestimate that word!) my dietary fats with poly and monounsaturated fats through EFAs, nuts, etc…
So if it’s a day of higher saturated fat intake, I just aim for the higher end of fish-oil intake the lab-geeks are currently recommending (10-12g).
If it’s an extremely lean day of eating (yes, I have those, too), I’d stay closer to the low end (3-5g).
On most days I’m in the 6-9g range, always divided over 3 or 4 ‘doses’.
Remember, health and fitness is all about balance. It really doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.
Now who you gonna’ call?
See also:
Prograde Supplement’s EFA Icon
F The Y
Today, I was discriminated against by the YMCA. Not the whole organization (yet!), but by a “personal trainer” who works there. This has nothing to do with race, gender or religious beliefs. It’s because I have some level of understanding of things that he does not.
How do I know he was a personal trainer? It was obvious by the way he was standing around with nothing to do (plus it said so on his t-shirt, so it must be true)
As I was walking toward the water fountain between sets, he looked down at my feet and while frantically shaking his head back and forth began whining “no, no, NO! What the hell are THOSE?”
I explained that “THOSE” are my new VibramFiveFingers shoes.
Obviously in effort to cover his own ass from any perceived liability issues, he suggested I don’t wear them when I work out. Even though I explained why it can actually be beneficial to allow ones feet to move naturally while exercising (and a growing pile of research supports this), he had no interest in discussing simple biomechanics. As far as he was concerned, if it’s not in Muscle & Fiction magazine, it can’t possibly be true.
So I then changed tactics and tried speaking in a language he might understand.
Under the rules posted in the fitness center, it states: equipment must be used as intended.
I asked if our feet were intended to be bound by a combination of leather, rubber, stitching and laces? Does the raised, cushioned heel provide a compensation for some missing appendage we’re all born without?
He then pointed to a sign that said no open toe shoes.
I stared blankly as I struggled to figure out what was going on inside his closed-mind.
Are my VibramFiveFingers open toed? Not at all. In fact, they have 5 individual, very comfortable CLOSED toes which allow my feet to move as nature intended.
“Personal Trainer” then explained to me that because the TOP of my foot wasn’t protected, I’d be at greater risk of injury if a weight fell on me than if I wore a more conventional sneaker.
According to my Philadelphia-based friend and colleague Jo-Ellen Marks - a former recreational therapist at Temple University’s Woodhaven Center [she also has 3 years of self-defense training under her belt. Trust me, she knows how to break you and you certainly don’t want to get on her bad side!], it takes roughly 10lbs of force to the bones on the top of your foot to cause a break. For all practical purposes, it doesn’t matter what kind of athletic shoe you wear – if a weight lands on your foot, expect it to hurt.
Where’s the phone booth?
If “personal trainer” is so concerned about safety, maybe he should do something about the morons walking around with their cell phones plastered to the side of their heads and not paying attention to their surroundings while some people are there to use the gym as it was intended. Next time, I might not put my back at risk by avoiding the insertion of a deadlift bar up some idiot’s ass by stopping mid-rep and cutting my own set short.
Now I do agree that feet should be covered to prevent the spread of fungal infections (ie athlete’s foot) in a gym setting. If you work out at home (as I often do), you can train wearing snowshoes or go completely naked for all I care.
I also agree that it’s important to have enough friction with whatever surface you’re training on as to prevent slippage – unless you’re training on a slideboard, of course.
Wrestling shoes, Nike Free’s (too narrow for my Flintstone-like feet) and FiveFingers all fit the bill. Even world-class powerlifters will lift hundreds of pounds with only the minimal support and “protection” of ballet-slippers, so don’t tell me you need the support of an overpriced sneaker to lift properly.
To suggest it’s in some way “better” to force gym members to develop a reliance on artificial stabilization, anti-pronation bars and gel-filled shock absorbing heels when our bodies are designed to do just that is as irresponsible as a trainer can get – but that’s what I’ve come to expect from the YMCA.
If you want “safe”, why not distribute wheel chairs and straight jackets to everyone who walks through the door?
I wonder what he’d say if I wore steel toed boots, a tyvek suit and full-face respirator next time I work out.
According to the YMCA of Delaware website…
The YMCA of Delaware is an association of people of all ages, ethnic groups and religious affiliations that strives to cultivate the human potential, self-esteem, and dignity of all people. Our organization exists to develop and practice the Christian principles of love, caring, inclusiveness, justice and peace…and to enrich the emotional, physical and social life of all individuals, families and our community.
Yeah, right.
Maybe I Was Wrong About Yoga?
I’m known for taking a strong stance against yoga and other ‘outdated’ flexibility techniques in favor of Muscle Activation, StopStretching, etc. but when I stumbled across this video, I found myself questioning my long-standing professional philosophy and personal opinions for a moment.
Just as I was dialing the the local yoga studio to reserve my space in the next class, I found this short clip to snap my senses right back to reality.
I don’t care how you package it, yoga IS still evil.
I’m Gonna Be Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams!
This seems to be a regularly recurring conversation I have with a prospective client, most often a woman…
*****************************
Prospect: “I tried lifting weights once and I developed big, bulky muscles.”
Me: “Once? You mean like a 12-16 week hypertrophy (muscle growth) program?”
Propect: “No, I mean ONE time. I went to the gym a few years ago, lifted weights and got all big and muscle-y. I don’t want that to happen again. Maybe I should just do yoga?”
Me: (while ramming the nearest screwdriver deep into my ear) “GRRRRAAAKKKKKK!!!!!”
In the old days, I would’ve taken as much time as necessary to reassure this one-time weightlifter that unless she’s using massive amounts of anabolic steroids and has parents named Helga and ”Bear”, it’s highly unlikely she’s even capable of building too much of that “icky” muscle.
Today, I’m more likely to hand over a card for some random yoga quack, er… instructor, and wish her good luck in getting “toned”.
In the interest of being a nice guy (and I have no idea what’s come over me right now), for one last time, I’ll walk you through my over-simplified explanation of how it might be possible to get ‘big/bulky’ muscles after one trip through the weight room. Ready? Good. Let’s go.
If you hit your thumb with a hammer, what happens?
Yes, of course I know it hurts, but what else?
In case you’re struggling, inflammation is the answer I was looking for.
When your body experiences soft tissue trauma, it is usually accompanied by some degree of pain and inflammation of the surrounding tissue. It serves to immobilize the area to prevent further damage. If nothing else, it’ll remind you not to hit your thumb again, ya’ big dope.
Weight training is sort of like repeatedly hitting your muscle fibers with a hammer – a lot of ‘em. Initially – like ANY soft tissue damage - you can expect inflammation and localized fluid retention. This will “inflate”the tissue temporarily until your body adapts to this new found stress and makes the appropriate adaptations. If you really over-did it, you may even experience a good deal of post-workout soreness as a not-so-subtle reminder to take it a little easier the next time. Exercise is all about progression, ya’ know. But immediate muscle growth? No way – no how – ’tain’t gonna happen.
But if you still insist that you really do put on muscle that quickly…
“Lady, if you have some kind of training technique where you can only train ONCE and build anything meaningful, there is a huge market of high school geeks (and jocks, too) all the way up to 40-something-year-old-men sitting in their corporate cubicles, wearing suits off the rack just wishing they could somehow recapture their mis-spent youth and finally get those bulging biceps they were never willing to work for in the first place.
“If you’ll be so kind as to let me in on your little secret, I’d be happy to write the book and do all the marketing. All I want is a measly 10% of the profits. By the way, here’s a yoga instructor I’d recommend…”
Less Is Moore?
When you hear the name ”Michael Moore”, do you think of…
A) a cinematic visionary capable of restructuring our country into a modern day utopia if he would only run for president in 2008…
or
B) a sloppy, disgusting loudmouth sack of aged fecal matter, who, through his adiposity and negativity, has the potential to personally add more burden to our nation’s health system than the entire state of Mississippi.
Either way, you gotta check out this new challenge issued to Michael Moore by my fitness-industry buddies, Jim Labadie and Ryan Lee. Go get him, guys!
[and don't forget to tell your friends about it, too]
21 Reasons I Prefer To Train At Home
- I can use lifting chalk and make as much of a mess as I care to
- I can grunt
- I can swear
- I can bleed
- I choose the equipment
- I determine the ‘hours of operation’
- I don’t have to wait for someone to finish using the piece of equipment I want to use
- I can turn my headbangin’ music as LOUD as I want to
- I can even listen to Paula Abdul (oh, sh*t. Did I say my ‘guilty pleasure’ out loud?)
- I can turn off all music and train in total silence (other than the near-meditative clanging of iron plates gently crashing into each other)
- I can take my shirt off
- I can take my shoes off
- I could wear one of those Borat-style full body thong-y things if I was so inclined
- No membership fees
- I’m not bothered by the typical pack of hot, young, spandex-bound groupies hounding me for an autograph or an “all access backstage pass”
- If a piece of equipment is worn/broken, I KNOW it will get repaired/replaced
- No guy at the front desk trying to sell me supplements/clothing/etc
- I never worry about placing any part of my body in the same place that somebody else’s head/butt left a disgusting imprint of sweat
- I don’t have to do the same ineffective, boring machine based exercises that everyone else does or risk looking like a freak for training “different”
- I don’t have to put the magazine away when I’m done with it
- I have total control
Now I’m not saying anybody has to do what I do, but if you are anything like me and prefer to train at home for your own reasons, I suggest you high-tail it over to HomeExerciseResources and download a free copy of my 14 page guide to creating the ultimate home gym and find out how you can save serious cash on just about any equipment you’re looking for.
Blame It On Carl
Stress eating again? Overindulging on your favorite ’comfort’ foods?
It’s all Carl’s fault. Carl von Linde, that is. More specifically, I’m referring to his damned vapor-compression refrigeration machines. I was hoping they’d just be another short-lived fad [like the automobile and personal computers], but alas, it appears as if they’re here to stay.
Because of Carl’s “little invention”, it is remarkably easy to store calorie-dense, nutrient-void foods in our homes for immediate access 24/7. So easy, we take our modern “ice-box” for granted (until the power goes out, anyway, but that’s what an emergency food kit is for, I guess).
Burritos anyone? Take ‘em outta the freezer, plop ‘em in the microwave and in less than a minute, you’ll be fat and happy.
Ice cream at 2am? You’ll need to move the stack of frozen pizzas, but it’s in there.
Frozen waffles for breakfast? Hey! Le’ggo my Eggo…
Talk about instant gratification.
Gone are the days of working the soil in your backyard garden to grow your own vegetables.
There’s no reason for a daily visit to the local farmers market for fresh food (do they still make that?) on the way home from the office when you can load up the mini-van once a month at Costco.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m all about innovation and can certainly appreciate the intricacies of German engineering as much as the next guy, but Carl’s invention spawned an entire industry of convenient, crappy food for the home.
Harry Potter and the Steroid Scandal
Performance enhancing drugs (anabolic steroids) are here to stay. There’s just too much money on the line to risk being average. That goes for ALL professional sports.
Gary Player made the news when he revealed the shocking truth: a golfer has used steroids (gasp!).
A Cure For The Yips
Steroids don’t just make a person ’strong like bull’. They give you a much greater ability to recover from the rigors of training and competition.
Given a possibility of being able to focus on the game without having to worry about all those li’l aches and pains that accumulate through the golf season, of course golfers are going to look for anything that’ll give ‘em the edge. Wouldn’t you?
Life Imitates Art Imitates Life?
Now that golf and pro wrestling have ‘officially’ made the fateful move to become one sport, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before Phil Mickelson kills his family and then commits suicide with a left handed sand wedge [mmmmm....sand-wich] in a steroid induced rage.
J.K. Rowling, Listen Up… Here’s Your Next Book!
If the game of Quidditch ever shows signs of becoming a serious money-maker, you can bet your golden snitch the students at Hogwarts will feel the temptation to use performance enhancing substances. Hell, Harry Potter already uses a souped-up broomstick to outplay Slytherin. Couldn’t the “Nimbus 2000″ be considered “performance enhancing”?
If Malfoy ever has an opportunity for a multi-million dollar contract and the chance to be on a box of Wheaties, you know he’ll do whatever it takes for a shot at his place in the history books as well as his family’s financial security for generations to come. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
The World As I See It
If fans, players, congress, etc really want an even playing field, every athlete should be required to follow the exact same training program, eat the same food, practice the same way, compete in the same environments and get the same amount of sleep. The reality is that we all have our own ‘best’ ways of doing things and that’s what makes sports performance training so darned interesting.
Scientific research provides us with clues as to how we can make ourselves better. To deny the use of pharmaceuticals in professional sports is to deny progress as humans. Ethically, scientists can’t do a ‘proper’ steroid study but pro athletes are voluntary guinea pigs. And for that, I thank them all.
Besides, at the professional level of any sport, it’s no longer about the game itself, but the entertainment. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, either.
New CPR Guidelines Ahead?
HealthDay reports a new Japanese study is suggesting the use of mouth-to-mouth breathing in addiditon to (the much more hygenic and not-nearly-as-personal) chest compressions can actually be less effective than chest compressions alone for victims of cardiac arrest.
Not that I don’t find my annual CPR renewal enjoyable – I mean, who wouldn’t have a great time wrapping their lips around the mouth of “Rescue Annie’s” removeable latex death mask? (it’s not like it brings “Silence of the Lambs” to life for me, or anything).
A note to American Heart Assn and Red Cross: Please pay close attention to this study. If there’s any truth to the report, I’d predict a lot more people would be willing to take your life saving courses.
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
