Grand Rapids Personal Trainer TV Show
Ok, so this post should probably be titled “Calvin College TV Show” – but since one of their media production classes (CAS250) asked me to help ‘em with a li’l project this semester, and I was the host of the fitness-themed show – I s’pose it’s just as fair to call it the Grand Rapids Personal Trainer show, too. ;-)
Anyway, over the past couple of months, I developed content for SEVENTEEN 10-minute episodes of a show titled “Beltline Construction” – a double-entendre those familiar with Grand Rapids geography will no doubt understand.
More to the point, below is a brief teaser/highlight reel from the project. I’ll be posting individual episodes at my GRPT site soon and will post some additional “fan page” exclusive content HERE. (“Like” it so you don’t miss a beat)
Have a happy festivus and a “mighty” 2012!
Now on with the show…
[Oh... and a HUGE thanks to my hard-rockin' musician buddy Mark E. Johnson from Pennsville, NJ for allowing us to use the 'training tune' in the show!)
Steroids In Pro Sports: You Know You Want It
Here’s the deal: I think politicians should keep their noses out of professional sports. Isn’t there anything more important they can do to waste their time (and OUR money?)
I also believe the way a responsible adult chooses to “enhance” performance is a personal choice, and if an individual feels the potential for benefit outweighs the potential for risk, well, who the hell am I – or you – to tell him otherwise?
Not that I condone, endorse, recommend, prescribe or otherwise assist in the acquisition or use of any illegal substances – including anabolic-androgenic steroids or growth hormone, but when it comes to professional sports, the fact is, there’s a LOT of money at stake (mmmmm… steak), and you might be surprised (if you’re naive enough) to learn what people are willing to do to get a piece of the action.
While the media/public-at-large typically speak against performance enhancement in the public forum, the reality is that very few people will shell out hundreds – even thousands – of dollars to plant their carcass in a seat at their favorite team’s stadium for 3 hours and pay upwards of $10 for a beer if the players/entertainers are anything less than caricatures of ‘regular’ humans.
If ever-increasing signing bonuses and multi-million dollar contracts are any indicator of the truth, we clearly want our superheros to be larger/faster/stronger than life, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.
Just last week, I was live on WJRW (1340am) discussing this reality (and so much more) with Tim Doctor and Josh Leng.
I can’t say just how long the podcasts will be up and running, but I invite you to listen in as I offend Chicago Bears fans, sports “purists”, ugly women and anybody else who doesn’t feel exactly as I do. So hurry yo’self over to this 2 part interview and let me know your thoughts on the subject…
Your Weight Loss Resolution Sucks (And How To Fix It)
It’s that time of year when a lot of people traditionally “resolve” to lose weight.
Problem is, “losing weight” isn’t an action one can resolve to do; it’s an outcome.
Lifting weights 3 times a week – now THAT’S an action.
Planning your meals a week in advance… THAT’S an action, too.
Drinking water instead of soda… more ACTION. (I’m 3+ months diet coke-free, by the way!)
Resolve to take positive action and there’s a much better chance you’ll get the outcome you want.
***** ***** *****
Last week, I was a guest on the Tim Doctor radio show (WJRW 1340AM right here in Grand Rapids) where we discussed some other common problems people have with their resolutions and training plans. While it’s obviously too late to call in with your questions, you can listen to the podcast at the links below.
[UPDATE - 1/20/11: THE PODCAST IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE AT THESE LINKS. IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST LISTEN TO IT, CONTACT ME (SEE "HOLLA'" AT TOP OF PAGE) AND I'LL FIND A WAY TO GET IT TO YOU]
Slosh Pipe Training Revisited
You may (or may not) remember my July 31st appearance on Grand Rapids Fox 17 where Morning Show host Sarah Brodhead took the slosh-pipe for a ride (or was it the other way around?)
This morning, the pipe returned with a vengeance – this time with its little cousin, the “slosh bell” (the 2′ left-over from a 10′ pipe when I made an 8 footer.) We also discussed a low cost way to help your slosh pipe survive even the coldest of Michigan winters.
Enjoy (and feel free to leave comments about your own slosh-pipe training experience).
Dip and scoop, Sarah.
Dip and scoop.
Slosh Pipe for Core Training
This morning, I made another appearance on Grand Rapids’ Fox 17 Morning Show to discuss a fun li’l training tool known as the slosh pipe (a HUGE thank you to Sarah for leading into the segment with Iron Maiden’s “The Trooper” and keeping my ‘guilty pleasure’ on the downlow).
Fox 17 Morning Show host Sarah Brodhead wrestles with the slosh pipe
Since it’s hard to squeeze everything I wanted to say into a 3-5 minute segment, here’s some extra notes to help you get started with slosh pipe training…
WHAT: The “Slosh Pipe” (also known in some circles as ‘the pillar of pain’), an 8′ to 10′ length of (schedule 40) PVC pipe, 4″ or 6″ in diameter; capped at one end, threaded ‘cleanout’ fitting at the other; filled 1/3 to 1/2 with water or RV antifreeze if you live in a cold climate (which Michigan will certainly qualify as in just a few more months)
WHY: Allows for ‘core’ training in an upright and ‘reactive’ environment. Low cost – about $25. Easy to make. Fun (assuming you enjoy pain!). Portable.
WHO: Anyone tired of endless, boring situps/crunches; competitive athletes; thrill-seekers and the exercise-curious.
HOW: Start by simply holding the slosh pipe steady in a horizontal position (the pipe should be horizontal, not you) Total weight is only 30-50lbs or so, but when the liquid is flying back and forth over an 8-10′ long line of travel, it’s like riding a mechanical bull. You’ll use muscles you didn’t know you had to resist and control the slosh pipe.
Once you’re comfortable with the basic hold, try walking, lunging, pressing, etc while working to maintain its horizontal position.
IMPORTANT/ACHTUNG/WARNING/PELIGRO:
This should be fairly obvious, but even though we demonstrated this training implement surrounded by expensive HD cameras, TV monitors, etc, because of the unpredictable nature of this training tool (and your response to its shifting mass), YOU SHOULD ONLY USE A SLOSH PIPE WHERE THERE IS ADEQUATE OPEN SPACE (read: outdoors, far away from windows, cars & people oblivious to their surroundings).
WHAT:
The “Slosh Pipe”: An 8′ to 10′ length of (schedule 40) PVC pipe, 4″ or 6″ in diameter; capped at one end, threaded ‘cleanout’ fitting at the other; filled 1/3 to 1/2 w/water (or RV antifreeze – this IS Michigan, after
all)
WHY:
Allows for ‘core’ training in an upright and ‘reactive’ environment Low cost – about $20 Easy to make Fun (assuming you enjoy pain!) Portable
WHO:
Anyone tired of endless, boring situps/crunches, competitive athletes, thrill-seekers and the exercise-curious.
HOW:
Start by simply holding the slosh pipe steady in a horizontal position (the pipe should be horizontal, not you) Total weight is only 30-50lbs or so, but when the liquid is flying back and forth over an 8-10′ long line of travel, it’s like riding a mechanical bull. You’ll use muscles you didn’t know you had to resist and control the slosh pipe (also known in some circles as ‘the pillar of pain’)
Once you’re comfortable with the basic hold, try walking, lunging, pressing, etc while working to maintain its horizontal position.
IMPORTANT/ACHTUNG/WARNING/PELIGRO:
because of the unpredictable nature of this training tool (and your response to its shifting mass), YOU WILL NEED PLENTY OF OPEN SPACE (read:
outdoors,
far away from windows, cars & people oblivious to their surroundings)
Powerlifting: Finally an Olympic Sport?
One of the obstacles preventing powerlifting from ever becoming an Olympic sport is the way some federations promote allow the abuse use of assitive supportive gear such as knee wraps, squat suits & bench shirts.
Lifters typically argue their safety/protective qualities while opponents are against the additional, near superhuman weight that such specialized gear allows one to lift over their “raw” poundages. (I once saw a shirt press 350lbs while nobody was wearing it)
I’ve trained and competed with and without supportive gear, so I’m not here to debate whether the use of it is good, bad or ugly, but I do believe that if PL is ever to be taken seriously by outsiders (and for their respective “world records” to have any meaning), the powers-that-be need to agree on a single standard of supportive/protective gear which will be allowed in competition.
If it’s up to me, triple-ply kevlar supersuits will become a thing of the past. I’m casting my vote for the latest technology from Honda (just don’t expect to see me driving one of their toy cars anytime soon)…
Okay, so maybe it looks like the bottom half of CP30, but before you criticize it on style alone, you need to watch the video of this machine in action.
I can’t wait for ‘em to release the top half so maybe I can finally have a respectable bench.
An Inconvenient Blog Post/Rocking The Vote
Long time fans, friends and fellow conservatives realize how hard it is for me to take anything remotely related to Al Gore seriously, but my buddy Jason White submitted a video from his visit to Club Industry East to be considered for airing on “current” TV.
If for no other reason, you NEED to watch it (click the video link above) for the preview of the “ABpuncher” – guaranteed to make ‘shorter time for bathroom problem” (sic) I don’t expect the ABpuncher to be on the market for very long, but what the heck do I know about this stuff?
While you’re hanging around the ‘current’ site, why don’t you take a few extra seconds to give Jason’s vid an “I Like It” vote so we can watch it again on the tube.
-JS-
Too Frustrated To Come Up With A Quirky Title
Hi Joe,
I read this today. I hope to write on it myself as to the implications of such systematic eradication of physical activity in our children’s lives. I wanted to hear your thoughts because I greatly value your opinion. Thank you Joe.
Bobby F.
Age 25
California
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Bobby,
Thanks for alerting me to the story… As I read this article, my first instinct was to bang my head against a wall (or a fully loaded squat bar).
Now that I’m thinking (only slightly) more clearly, I’ll try to reason out a coherent response…
Should we blame the fear of physical activity on an out of control legal system? It seems like everybody’s looking for an easy payout due to “overwhelming physical and emotional trauma” attributed to childhood injuries (or the POTENTIAL of such injuries).
Or do we blame the liberal wacko movement that says we’re supposed to go out of our way to avoid ANY words/actions/thoughts that might be construed as “offensive”? (has anyone seen Jimmy Carter lately?)
If parents/administrators can’t understand that kids need to be kids, I suspect normal, healthy/active childhood games such as tag, touch football and the like will have to go ‘underground’.
Since dog fights are apparently on the list of things not-to-do, maybe we can start gambling on which kid will win at dodge-ball in an old warehouse. (Michael Vick called, he said he wants to put $400 on a kid called “Johnny Slaughter” in the 3rd round.)
There are any number of clichés/lessons one could learn from playing kids games.
- Life isn’t fair
- Cream always rises to the top
- Lose graciously
- Win with dignity
- If you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig (I don’t know how this one fits in, but I love the saying!)
Back when I was a kid (I could’ve sworn I said I’d never start a sentence with those words), I tore holes in the knees of my pants by playing aggressively on the playground. I had fun playing with my friends. Sometimes I’d lose. Sometimes I’d get bumped, bruised or bloody. But I always got back up.
The more I learned how NOT to lose/fall/etc, the faster my athletic skills developed. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have developed those skills by just reading about ‘em. In fact, we used to play a game called “Keep-away” where it was ONE kid against everybody else. (kind of like football, but there was no goal line, boundary lines or referee)
In fitness, it’s all about the SAID Principle: Specific Adaptations to Imposed Demands.
If schools refuse to impose any challenges more demanding than tiddlywinks, what the hell are the kids going to adapt TO? And maybe if there was more physical activity on the playground, there wouldn’t be such a problem with teen-pregnancy?
The more I get to know the human race, the less I want to be part of it.
Now who’s ready for a game of full-contact Twister?
I’m Fat (And Personal Trainers Only Want My Money)
Real email. Real response (slightly edited for readability).
I realize it’s not my usual sarcasm-laced, trying-too-hard-to-be-funny post, but you might find it useful.
***** ***** *****
I’m frustrated with my weight but love to work out. I have four kids and I can’t go to a gym but I have a Precor elliptical machine and weights and cable machine in the basement. I just can’t seem to get dialed in on a diet. I hated weight watchers. I have worked with personal trainers in the past and all they wanted was my money!! I got down to 195 and 10% body fat. Now I am fat at 255. So wasn’t sure if you could help!! Have a great day!!
-Mike M.
***** ***** *****
Thanks for your email, Mike.
I’ll quickly try to point you in the right direction and save you a few bucks in the process…
Nutritionally, I can’t say enough good things about Dr. John Berardi(“JB” for short)’s programs. It’s the same system I use with my private coaching clients.
Depending how much you really want to learn about nutrition (and how much you want to spend), there are a few ways to get the information you need…
You can get the whole enchilada for about $100 (plus shipping) at PrecisionNutritionPlan.com.
OR you can get Gourmet Nutrition for $40 (plus shipping). It’s so much more than a simple ‘recipe book’, but this book gets more use than any other in my kitchen…
If you just want to test the waters before shelling out any more cash, JB created a FREE 8-day mini-course. (no shipping charges either!)
All of these options are based on the same set of 10 easy-to-understand nutritional habits.
Like you, I train at home (for a variety of reasons)… I highly recommend my ULTIMATE HOME GYM GUIDE (free pdf download) so you can learn some of my best tips & tricks for saving BIG $$$ on anything you may decide to add to your current setup.
Finally, if you need any help with your training program design/advanced training strategies, I currently have a couple openings for my Platinum-level monthly coaching program. If you’re interested, just drop me a line and we’ll start your application process right away.
-JS-
Bad Boys, Bad Boys… What’cha Gonna Do?
More creative (and true) ways in which snack foods can hurt you…
1) I still remember the time when my mother reached over the breakfast table to smack me across the nose with a 2-pack of pop-tarts, but what must life in Iowa be like that this story about a ”snack attack” makes headlines?
I’m not sure what the statute of limitations is on assault with processed/packaged snack foods, but mom, if the police come busting through your door followed by a film crew for “Cops“, don’t say I didn’t warn you…
2) Even if you only enjoy the smell of hot, buttery popcorn, the fumes alone can apparently create a condition known as “popcorn lung“.
Maybe this is just another one of those top-secret govenment conspriacies to gain control over a certain population of teenage movie-goers, but just like the whole “crack in ‘da hood” thing, this, too, will surely sprial out of control.
I can see it now… movie theaters will try to pacify non-popcorn eaters by creating a separate “non-popcorn” section, but of course, they’ll have to walk past the butter fumes to get there, leading to verbal – even physical confrontation – and a clear line will be drawn between users (called “poppies”) and non-users.
Within a couple years, popcorn lobbyists will swarm DC, followed by class action lawsuits resulting in large sums of money put into state programs to help control the popcorn habit. You’ll see billboards and rubber bracelets with all kinds of catchy slogans ["Stop before you pop", "Butter isn't better"]; presidential candidates will deny ever inhaling the butter smell; there will be surgeon general warnings on the side of popcorn bags; a minimum age of 18 to purchase and adults getting busted for buying popcorn for underage ‘poppies’.
Now would someone please pass the salt?
No, I’m Not Gay Bashing. Just Read This.
Back in the 1970s, the classic American Cancer Society’s black & white poster, “Smoking Is Very Glamorous“, was enough to keep me ever from wanting to light up. Some 30 odd years later, I still have nightmares of that haggard old face and wrinkled fingers clutching a cig with a rigor mortis grip.
Always quick to jump on the coat tails of America’s most successful marketing methods, our British brothers (and sisters)-in-arms are about to launch their newest weapon in the modern war against fags (look, it’s Brit-speak for cigarettes, okay? I don’t make this stuff up).
Much more colourful than the lone ACS poster of my youth, those quirky Brits are about to unveil a series of 15 images in their anti-smoking arsenal - each one more disgusting than the last (well, you’d have to set them up in order to get that effect, but you get the idea)
I have to wonder what a digestive system would look like after a lifetime of deep fried fish & chips.
Fine China
NOTE #1: for this (incredibly short) post to have any chance of making sense, you will need to click the links below and read a couple short articles (just don’t forget to hit your back button to return to “The Cup”.
Soy Milk = Poison?
Can soy milk really make you sick? According to a news story today, it can if you attend kindergarten at the wrong school in China.
Is it possible China’s also trying to poison us right here in the US?
It kind of makes me think the push for higher standards to eliminate so-called ‘junk food’ in US schools should be a little lower on our priority list. Instead, we might want to do what they did on American Idol last night – give back (food imported from China, that is).
Now will someone please pass the Oreos and a Diet Coke – if it’s made in the USA, it’s good enough for me.
NOTE #2: Don’t expect a blog post from me tomorrow. I’m getting up early to drive to NYC for another shoot. Unlike my missed day earlier this week, tomorrow is a PLANNED break from blogging. If you’re lucky, maybe – just maybe – I’ll throw out an extra one over the weekend to hold you through ’til Monday!
Spotted WHAT??
According to this article, Dutch scientists are now hoping to develop “foods that can prevent obesity by making people eat less”.
I don’t mean to burst any Dutch bubbles here, but as I mentioned in a recent post, I lived in England for a few years. From my experience overseas, I’m fully confident the Brits have already crossed the bridge and mastered the skills of creating food that people wouldn’t want to eat.
While I hoping to return to the US with a slick new James Bond accent, I came away with something much more valuable – a true appreciation for the culinary artistry of Taco Bell.
Imagine sitting down in a restaurant, opening the menu and having to choose from traditional British fare such as:
Bubble & Squeak
Toad in the Hole
Black Pudding
Lardy Cake
Bedfordshire Clanger
Steak and Oyster Pie
or
Spotted Dick
Feeling hungry yet?
I quickly figured out why our neighbors across the pond drink so much alcohol.
I could go on and tell you how they’d add baked beans to any recipe (beans on toast, baked bean pizza, etc), but I’d worry that it would come across as cheap filler for an otherwise tasteless blog post.
Veel Geluk, my Nederland-ish friends, but if you want to be “first” at something, you might consider creating wooden cross-trainers or tulip bulb flavored energy bars.
The Global Warming Solution: Stop Exercising
With each step on the treadmill and every rep at the squat rack, fitness minded people around the world are carelessly contributing to global warming and ultimately, the demise of life on earth.
If we’re to believe that we li’l ol’ humans are responsible for all the heat buildup and greenhouse gasses, one must take into consideration the effect of all those calories we’re burning at the gym, too.
Any 5th grader knows that heat rises – so it should come as no surprise when I tell you the calories you expend during your workouts go straight to the upper atmosphere where they relentlessly gnaw away at the ozone.
But it gets even worse.
Fact: people living in 3rd world countries do not have the necessary resources for gyms and personal training studios on every corner.
Fact: the majority of planet-destroying muscle is being built by fitness buffs across America and Europe and more recently, the Chinese have started putting in more time at the gym.
Do you realize the majority of earth’s muscle building population resides above the equator? In case it’s not becoming clear to you already, this top-heavy loading of our celestial home is causing the earth to tilt even further on its axis. This phenomenon is directly responsible for the intensified weather patterns we’re seeing around the globe. Hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes – even that gaping hole in the ozone can all be traced right back to the gym.
What can we do to restore the delicate balance of the earth? Fortunately, steps are being taken. After 15 years, Singapore is finally dropping their childhood anti-obesity program, but it’s not enough, people. It’s NOT enough!
Rather than debate the need for a fence at our border with Mexico. it would make much more sense to start an immediate exchange program with South America. For example: Give us 5 undernourished Bolivian immigrants each willing to work for $2.50 an hour and we’ll send an overweight, overpaid American lawyer. (of course, this would have the additional positive effect though the instant reduction in frivolous lawsuits, but let’s try to stay focused here, ok?)
I know – I know… if you’re thinking this is unreasonable (and possibly even offensive), you’re absolutely right.
Because of the logistical problems in sending enough XXL northerners to the southern hemisphere in time to put the earth back onto it’s proper axial tilt, the more practical solution is to stop exercising. If not for yourself, put down that barbell for your children. Plop your glutes right back down on the sofa to give your grandchildren a fighting chance. Future generations of homo sapiens need us to stop sweating, straining and consuming so many protein shakes if the human race is to have any chance at survival on this rotating rock we call home.
Someday, science may discover a way to recover some of the sweat-energy we unmercifully sling around the health clubs and use it for something benefical to all. But for now, my advice is to forego all forms of exercise and just take it easy ’til this whole global warming thing passes.
My sincere and deepest thanks go to Al Gore for taking my solution seriously and leading by example.
My hero: Oscar winner and eco-warrior, Al Gore
A Rabbi Walks Up To A Vending Machine…
It’s that time of year again… Coca-Cola is cooking up thier annual Passover Edition kosher Coke – apparenty the Jewish popuation spends enough on the carmel colored nectar-of-the-gods, some chochem at Coke figures its worth making a yearly visit back to the original real-sugar sweetened formula. Isn’t there anyone who can go 8 days without a bottle of coke?
Where I grew up in the midwest, we called it pop. When I lived in the UK, we called it fizzy. Here on the east coast of the US, the ‘locals’ call it soda. I remember a trip to Missouri where they just called it coke – even if it was Pepsi. (What kind of coke do you want?)
Whatever name you attach to that brown, sweet, bubbly concoction, there’s research suggesting those who drink it are more likely to over-consume calories from all sources.
L’Chayim!
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
