The Solution To Childhood Obesity: Shame?
Ya’ know, the answer seems so obvious after watching this ‘news’ from The Onion.
Arrested Development
During the summers of the late 1970s, early ’80s, I remember getting up in the morning, having some scrambled eggs and a pop tart or two, then as soon as the Flintstones was done, I’d go outside to play ‘cops & robbers’ with my neighborhood friends all day – the only break would be for a sandwich (usually a couple slices of cheese-impregnated ham with a slathering of yellow mustard) and a cold glass of cool-ade (I don’t know what flavors, but it seemed like it was always red).
Whenever we’d play CHiPs, there’d be the standard argument over who could be “Ponch“.
Back in those days, to become a police officer (or at least to play one on TV), you really had to have the appearance of being an outstanding citizen and in good physical condition (Don’t even try to convince me that Barney Fief, Rosco P. Coltrane or the aforementioned motorcycle cops from CHiPs weren’t all in the their physical prime).
Looking back, I suppose I could even give some credit to those fictitious law enforcers as my early inspirations to exercise as I’d run around chasing bad guys and patrolling the neighborhood on my ‘motorcycle’ all day. (Okay, so maybe Ponch & Jon were just convenient excuses to put baseball cards in the spokes of my bike…)
“Being well-rounded, having some life experience, makes for a better person and patrolman…” Fast forward to the present day, non-televised world of cops: Police standards are sinking fast.
Minor crimes like drug convictions (“experimental use of cocaine and marijuana” or “ecstasy… as long as it was more than five years in the past“) and gang related activity (I can only imagine what this includes) are no longer the barriers to wearing a badge and carrying a service revolver that they once were.
You now have the right to a jelly donut. If you cannot afford a deep fried mound of flour covered (and filled) with sugar, a donut will be provided for you by the taxpayers.
The physical standards for new recruits are falling, too (why else would I have brought the subject up in the first place?).
One police department in Alaska now allows for an additional 21 seconds to run 300 meters – giving them a full minute and 17 seconds to cover the track. Should I assume they’re running in snowshoes?
The L.A.P.D even loosened the body fat requirements to 24% for men and 32% for women. I could understand these levels in the corn-belt states, but in Los Angeles? Judging by the cover of People magazine, I was under the impression that being overweight there was a crime!
In everything else in life, standards get tougher. Why would something as important as protecting and serving go the other way?
What Does It Take To Offend You?
In a world where majority rules the court of public opinion, I woke up this morning with a bad, bad feeling in my gut…
Given America’s ongoing addiction to political ridiculous-ness, I’m starting to suspect it’s only a matter of time before exercise is known as the “E” word and fitness pros around the country are put in the same category as the Ku Klux Klan or Krispy Kreme donuts.
As our collective waistlines continue to expand and fatness (gasp!) becomes accepted as not just “ok”, but normal, I fear that prohibition will make a return and we’ll have to get our fitness fix in some futuristic speakeasy filled with squat racks and bootlegged dumbbells.
C’mon people, stop being so offended by what others say and start do-ing something about your own life before fitness has to go underground.
Reality Bites
I feel the need to get a few things off my chest today, but let me start by making this perfectly clear:
I have NEVER cast a single vote for American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, or any other so-called “reality” TV show.
I also think The Bachelor is a ridiculous use of network television airtime – but since people watch it, I’m willing to comment on it.
Critics of American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar say he didn’t have a strong voice.
I’m going to guess he couldn’t deadlift much, either. Maybe he should’ve spent less time on his hair and more time thinking about pumping iron and consuming protein shakes.
An online gambling site has people betting if Heather Mills’ prosthetic leg will fall off during competition on Dancing With The Stars.
I think a more interesting wager would be whether or not Joey “Fat One” Fatone had to pay for his copy of the newly released Dancing with the Stars: Cardio Dance DVD. At least it’s good to see that he’s starting to drop some of those extra pounds he was carrying when this season started. [NOTE: It's always good to support people named Joe(y)]
I still can’t understand why ABC’s The Bachelor is considered a reality show…
…when the only thing Navy officer/doctor/triathlete/bachelor Andy Baldwin has to do to motivate a group of women to swim laps, ride a bike or run is hand out a few roses each week. Yet highly skilled personal trainers - paid to help people develop the exercise habit – often have to fight tooth-and-nail just to get their clients to show up for their workouts.
Maybe the reality is that florists are the ones most capable of helping America get in shape.
It Must Be THAT Time Of The Month Again…
Women.
Every month, there’s the usual 2 weeks of cramping, whining and bloating, then it happens.
The new issue of their favorite softcore fitness magazine arrives and the newest last-workout-you’ll-ever-need becomes their sole purpose for going to the gym.
It must have been delivered over the weekend because when I was in the gym yesterday, there was a clear difference in the types of exercises most women were doing.
I ‘m used to seeing the girls doing their machine based exercises or chatting away on the treadmill, so to say it surprised me when many of them got away from their usual stuff and were doing asymmetrical loading patterns/multi-planar movements and such would be a huge understatement.
PMS: Post Magazine Syndrome?
Sure, I give ‘em credit for putting in the time, and I’m not sure which magazine they’re all subscribing to but my prediction is that within 5 to 7 days they’ll all return to their regular, uninspired workout routines until the cycle begins again.
If only there was a pill to keep women’s fitness programs effective, fun and as exciting as chocolate.
[note: I realize it would be unfair if I didn't point out that guys have their own set of issues when it comes to training... so in the interest of maintaining a fair and balanced blog, you can look forward to an upcoming post on the Friday night pump.]
The Customer Is Always Right… Right?
Every so often, I like to take a quick look at the latest & greatest products and consumer-reviews at Fitness Infomercial Review. Given the apparent popularity of products such as “Yoga Booty Ballet”, “Hip Hop Abs” or my personal favorite, “the RED exerciser” – I have to admit that I’m completely stumped as to why America is so out of shape.
My home state of Indiana just doesn’t get it though. Rather than attach the state seal of approval to “Turbo Jam”, Hoosiers are supposed to believe they can get fit by following impossible advice like “exercise” and “eat right”.
It’s not enough that Indiana provides a supportive website where residents can get even more advice and daily motivational emails to help keep on track, but Governor Mitch Daniels even created an “infomercial” of his own where he appears to be jogging and lifting weights. The nerve of this guy suggesting real exercise can be beneficial or even fun.
I’m confident that consumers will ultimately see through the ‘hype’ of good nutrition and regular exercise and the “Slendertone Ab Belt” will once again reign supreme.
Yo, Adrian! Put another vial on the bar-b, mate!
How does a 60 year old actor stay in great shape?
Well, in Sly Stallone’s case it looks like growth hormone might be one part of his training program.
The media is predictably over-hyping everything around this ‘story’. Of course, there is the issue of legality of the drug in Australia but beyond that, the only question that really needs to be asked is, “so what?”
Can the use of “performance enhancing drugs” do anything to improve his acting skills?
Does he gain some kind of “unfair advantage” in his profession by (allegedly) using this “medicine”?
Who actually gets hurt when an actor uses growth hormone?
Before you argue with me by suggesting that anabolic steroid/GH use in any case is cheating, what about the casual use of cosmetic surgery? Seriously, we’re talking about an actor. Their paychecks are based on their ability to have a particular look.
What about less-than-attractive-women who know how to cheat by using make up and a pushup bra? Shouldn’t they be fined and labeled as frauds?
Why wouldn’t the short guy with heel-lifts in his shoes be discredited and have his man-license revoked?
Will hair coloring become a crime? I can see it now – Paris Hilton gets pulled over on suspicion of transporting some private label hair product across state lines with intent to distribute to her socialite friends.
Maybe radio jocks who digitally alter their voice for a more “booming” presence should be locked away for their role in ‘fooling’ the public (the FCC has fined jocks for stranger things!)
Acting is all about entertainment. It sounds like he made a foolish mistake by attempting to import an illegal substance into a foreign country, but c’mon people – let Sly do his job.
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
