Rules, Regulations and Important Terminology

This is my gym.
There are many like it, but this one is mine…
-JS-

1. The inner-most weight always faces inward
2. All other weights face out (and do I really even need to mention they must be in descending order?)
3. Always use collars. If you don’t know how to use ‘em. I’ll show you one time.
4. At the end of a workout, everything gets put back where it belongs
5. If you’re going to train in my gym, expect to listen to heavy metal
6. Deadlifts and shoes don’t mix (unless they’re Vibram FiveFingers)
7. Lifting straps are only allowed if you lack the all-important opposable thumb
8. Gloves? Get a Curves membership. Around here, if you can’t grate cheese across the callouses on your hands, you’re a wuss
9. No, there is no padding for the squat bar – that’s how it’s supposed to feel
10. You are responsible for cleaning up your own sweat, drool, blood or any other bodily fluids that might go flying during a workout
11. Concentration curls are not allowed
12. You don’t have to enjoy training, but if you’re just going to go through the motions, go somewhere else.
13. Don’t talk to me when I’m doing (or obviously preparing) for a set.
14. If I ask you to spot me during a set, don’t hover over me with twitchy hands. If I need help, you’ll know it.
15. Yes, there is a mirror. No, it’s not for posing. It’s set in a strategic location to get the most bang for my lighting buck. Don’t move it. Don’t touch it. Don’t let me catch you even looking at it.
16. We share loading/unloading responsibilities
17. 25lb weights are called “quarters” and 2.5lb weights are known as “babies”
18. Misloads are unacceptable and are punishable by waterboarding
19. If you’re not invited back, don’t take it personally. I’m not really into that whole “training partner” thing.
20. If you are invited back, take it as a compliment.