Bringin’ Sexy Back
This evening, I was reading a post at one of many online fitness forums I visit and someone mentioned a group of nudists requesting “Naked Sundays” at a gym in the Netherlands. One of the commenters posted,
I can’t even imagine what would inspire someone to do this. I can’t think of one single good thing about it.
I have a small collection of training programs/books/etc including an early edition of the Charles Atlas program (the one advertised in the back of comic books since the 1930s (maybe even earlier?)).
I haven’t looked through it in years, but I remember there was a reference to performing his ‘dynamic training’ methods naked in front of an open window (he was also big on fresh air/deep breathing exercises).
Now I dunno who Chuck A’s neighbors were, but I certainly wouldn’t want to catch even a glimpse of any of my neighbors doing those workouts when I’m enjoying a bowl of cocoa-puffs in the morning. In fact, I’d much rather have sand kicked in my face.
My neighbors notwithstanding, there are plenty of examples of this practice in early physical culture.
The ancient Olympians competed completely naked (I suspect this was to prove there were no hidden weapons in the athletic adaptations of war games).
Maybe it wouldn’t be a such a problem for a shot putter or discus thrower, but wrestling? (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course).
One of the ‘luxuries’ of training at home is that if I ever get the urge to deadlift in my underwear, then dag-gummit, move over Michael Jordan. (“as long as they’re Hanes”)
Oh well, when in Rome…
(does anyone else notice how frequently I use parentheses in my posts?)
7 Instant Weight Loss Tricks
- Get a hair cut
- Trim your fingernails really, really close.
- Donate your “extra” organs (c’mon…TWO kidneys?)
- Amputation
- Space travel
- Ever have a colonoscopy? Try the bowel prep
- Lie
Good Things Come To Those Who Lift Weights
Without including overly technical reasons (eg: increased insulin sensitivity), here’s my short list:
The Pros:
1) You’ll look better
2) You’ll feel better
3) You’ll move better
4) Your clothes will fit better
The Cons:
1) Requires effort
Got anything to add?
Relationship Commitment Issues
Dearest John,
It’s hard for me to say this, but we both know it’s time to face the reality of this situation.
You and I just don’t get the quality ‘alone time’ we did during the first couple weeks of our relationship. Our initial togetherness has dwindled down to nothing.
Sometimes you make me feel it’s because I’m heavy and that’s not fair. It’s just the way I’m put together and you knew that when we first met.
Every day, I patiently wait for you to come home. To hold me. To lift me from the floor and make me feel appreciated.
The most I get from you lately is nothing more than a pile of your clothes thrown at me.
I can handle being used. I don’t mind if you sweat all over me and drop me to the floor when you’re done ‘doing your thing’.
Heck, if you could just give me 10 minutes a day, that’d be a good start.
You can do what you want with me, but I can’t take it when you ignore me for weeks – even months – on end.
Before you come running after me again, you’d better sort out your priorities, mister.
Love always,
Your Weight Set
P.S. Don’t try to tell me it’s my fault I’m getting old and rusty. You’re the one who left me in this damp garage all winter.
Is The Writer’s Strike Finally Over?
Ok, so maybe this isn’t about THOSE writers TV fans everywhere have been hoping will get back to work.
But it has been a busy couple of weeks around here and this blog had to move down my priority list slightly.
Look, it’s January and I’m in the fitness-biz. If people would just start making their resolutions at the beginning of summer, we wouldn’t be having this discussion, now would we?
…more to come
-JS-
The Absolute-Funniest-Blog-Post-Ever-Award Goes To…
It has nothing to do with fitness (well, maybe the “third wheel” pic could stand an outside shot at making it), but this is too good for me to not link to.
No sense for me to even try to describe it. Words couldn’t possibly do it justice.
Enjoy.
-JS-
When Did Nipples Become Unfashionable?
I went to the post office today to pick up my usual bag of fan mail (OK, so maybe it’s a really small bag, but it’s still a bag!) and what to my amazement did appear but a new fitness-music catalog.
It’s the kind of mix/jam stuff designed for the leg-warmer & leotard ‘group fitness leader’, but somehow I found my way to their mailing list. Lucky me.
Sitting at a red light, I figure I might as well thumb through this full color publication before getting back to my office where it was certain to make its way directly to the recycling bin.
Then it happened…
Page 6…
They were right there, staring at me – smack dab in the middle of the page…..
Nippits Concealment Strips
The product was billed as
The perfect Solution for times you do not want your nipples to show
A 5-pair package is a measly 7 bucks.
I don’t know if it’s worth it, and maybe I’m the only one who finds this kind of thing funny, but I just had to dig a little deeper to see how big of a problem undesired nipple exposure really is.
According to the Nippits website,
For years, women have been looking for an effective alternative to painful and bulky adhesive taping methods for concealing their nipples.
They continue by suggesting
…Nippits design fills an important niche’ in the area of fashion…
Always eager to learn more, I discovered that
Nippits do not cover the areola. They compress the nipple to the level of the surrounding breast.
Whew! Would you believe that my first concern was that the areola would be covered.
Seriously, ladies… are protruding nipples really as ‘unfashionable’ as I’m supposed to believe?
I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever had to deal with being in the 7th grade and while your mind drifts only for a moment, your teacher calls you up to the board to solve an equation at the “worst possible time”.
Just ask any guy far enough beyond the grueling pubescent years if he can recall (or even cares to admit) a time when he walked red-faced and eyes-down to the front of the class protectively clutching a math book in front of his “junk” in effort to hide a raging-hormone induced bulge.
Fashionable or not, THAT’S a market that needs to be better served.
I can’t wait to see what next week’s mailbag has to offer.
Long Live The Pub Culture
A popular news story says you can add 14 years to your life if you
“don’t smoke, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, exercise regularly and drink alcohol in moderation”
I find it interesting that the study was done in the UK where life expectancy at birth is 79.4 but alcohol & moderation are rarely used in the same sentence. (I assume there must still be a Victorian-era tax law requiring you to pay up if caught using those words together)
One of the researchers said,
“We measured normal behaviors that were entirely feasible within people’s normal, everyday lives.”
Where in the UK did they find enough test subjects that consider “moderate” drinking normal?
Should I assume this report means the Brits can pass world-leading Japan (where the average lifespan is currenlty 82.6 years) and increase their life expectancy to over 93 years by simply eliminating their long standing fondness for a pint?
Even if this is true, here’s a question – especially for my readers in the UK:
Would you be willing to give up your national pastime* in exchange for a trip to the local farmers market if you thought it would give you the chance to live longer?
*Note to my British readers: before you respond, don’t try to tell me drinking isn’t that much a part of your culture - I lived in the East Midlands for several years on the border of Leics and Derbys. My village (not all that dissimilar from countless others I’ve seen) didn’t have as much as a post office, yet there was a pub at each end of the road.
And what about Amy Winehouse?
The One Thing That Really Pisses Me Off Is…
CANCER.
No, I don’t have it (hopefully), but I am a realist.
I don’t know about you, but the likelihood of me (or you) getting “the C-word” is enough to make me want to do something about it.
Eventually, we’re all gonna die of something, so why bother, right?
I’ll tell you why… its because there are more glamorous ways to check out. Parachutes that don’t open. Falling debris from space. Spontaneous combustion. Old age.
So why would anyone want to go through the agony that is cancer? Especially when you consider it’s one of those things we can actually do something about.
I’ve watched clients (and their families) suffer through it.
I have family members and friends whe were fortunate enough to survive the grueling treatment.
Chemotherapy is no way to live.
For the last couple of years, I’ve been working with a local cancer support group to get the word out that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
But sometimes, prevention’s not enough. We need the cure.
At risk of sounding like a pathetic Sally Struthers begging for “the cost of a cup of coffee a day”, I’m going to ask you, my legions of adoring fans around the world, to join me by starting this new year by doing something – right now – to help fight cancer.
If you can only give a few bucks towards cancer research, please do it. If your name happens to start with a “B” and end with an “ill Gates”, feel free to drop a couple million.
It all adds up.
Even if you’re completely broke, send a link to this post to everyone you know. Chances are, they can find a few coins under the cushions of their sofa.
The point is, whatever you can do does make a difference.
Cancer research is a numbers game. The more people (and dollars) that get involved, the faster we win the war.
In case you don’t know who or where you can help, maybe the following links will guide you:
Allan Boshell watched his wife die of pancreatic cancer and he’s doing something about it.
Alwyn Cosgrove was diagnosed TWICE – he did something about it, too.
Mayhem, Hellga, Toa and Venom…
Yeah, baby… The Gladiators are back with a vengeance!
Now I don’t watch a lot of TV, but when something as entertaining (and inherently cheesy) comes along as the revival of this late ’80s/early ’90s classic program, it’s a safe bet I’ll be glued to the idiot box until the Hulkster grumbles his final “yeah, brother”.
The current cast of Gladiators absolutely rocks: the names, the costumes, the personas (Wolf, are you ready? Hooowwwwl!)
“The Arena” offers 10 of the most (apparently) lopsided events any average putz could ever hope to compete against strong, well-muscled Gladiators without the same risk of losing teeth as they most likely would in a late night bar fight.
But sometimes underdogs actually come out on top - such as when Bonnie “Semper Fi” Blanco demonstrated her killer grip strength in “Hang Tough” to pick up 5 points. (the bigger they are, the harder they fall, right?).
Personally, I really enjoyed watching 155 pound Molivan “Moli” Duy getting repeatedly flung from “The Pyramid” like a ragdoll (the smaller they are, the farther they fly).
Perhaps the best laugh I got all night was when Jeff “old geezer” Keller was charged by the ref for giving Wolf ‘the business’ (this must be a politically correct way of saying “throwing punches” for a prime time audience). At least the guy finally got to live out his dream after a 14 year traffic jam.
I can’t wait to see what happens in round 2. So if you’re planning on calling me tonight after 8pm, be prepared to leave a voice message – I certainly won’t be taking any calls.
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
