Going Commando
For all the raving fans who have expressed an interest in my feet (ok, maybe not my feet, but my new Vibram FiveFingers shoes), this picture’s for both of you.
Ahhhh… the sweet feeling of freedom. All natural - just as nature intended
My hope now is that Vibram will develop a matching line of total-freedom underwear.
No, I’m Not Gay Bashing. Just Read This.
Back in the 1970s, the classic American Cancer Society’s black & white poster, “Smoking Is Very Glamorous“, was enough to keep me ever from wanting to light up. Some 30 odd years later, I still have nightmares of that haggard old face and wrinkled fingers clutching a cig with a rigor mortis grip.
Always quick to jump on the coat tails of America’s most successful marketing methods, our British brothers (and sisters)-in-arms are about to launch their newest weapon in the modern war against fags (look, it’s Brit-speak for cigarettes, okay? I don’t make this stuff up).
Much more colourful than the lone ACS poster of my youth, those quirky Brits are about to unveil a series of 15 images in their anti-smoking arsenal - each one more disgusting than the last (well, you’d have to set them up in order to get that effect, but you get the idea)
I have to wonder what a digestive system would look like after a lifetime of deep fried fish & chips.
F The Y
Today, I was discriminated against by the YMCA. Not the whole organization (yet!), but by a “personal trainer” who works there. This has nothing to do with race, gender or religious beliefs. It’s because I have some level of understanding of things that he does not.
How do I know he was a personal trainer? It was obvious by the way he was standing around with nothing to do (plus it said so on his t-shirt, so it must be true)
As I was walking toward the water fountain between sets, he looked down at my feet and while frantically shaking his head back and forth began whining “no, no, NO! What the hell are THOSE?”
I explained that “THOSE” are my new VibramFiveFingers shoes.
Obviously in effort to cover his own ass from any perceived liability issues, he suggested I don’t wear them when I work out. Even though I explained why it can actually be beneficial to allow ones feet to move naturally while exercising (and a growing pile of research supports this), he had no interest in discussing simple biomechanics. As far as he was concerned, if it’s not in Muscle & Fiction magazine, it can’t possibly be true.
So I then changed tactics and tried speaking in a language he might understand.
Under the rules posted in the fitness center, it states: equipment must be used as intended.
I asked if our feet were intended to be bound by a combination of leather, rubber, stitching and laces? Does the raised, cushioned heel provide a compensation for some missing appendage we’re all born without?
He then pointed to a sign that said no open toe shoes.
I stared blankly as I struggled to figure out what was going on inside his closed-mind.
Are my VibramFiveFingers open toed? Not at all. In fact, they have 5 individual, very comfortable CLOSED toes which allow my feet to move as nature intended.
“Personal Trainer” then explained to me that because the TOP of my foot wasn’t protected, I’d be at greater risk of injury if a weight fell on me than if I wore a more conventional sneaker.
According to my Philadelphia-based friend and colleague Jo-Ellen Marks - a former recreational therapist at Temple University’s Woodhaven Center [she also has 3 years of self-defense training under her belt. Trust me, she knows how to break you and you certainly don’t want to get on her bad side!], it takes roughly 10lbs of force to the bones on the top of your foot to cause a break. For all practical purposes, it doesn’t matter what kind of athletic shoe you wear – if a weight lands on your foot, expect it to hurt.
Where’s the phone booth?
If “personal trainer” is so concerned about safety, maybe he should do something about the morons walking around with their cell phones plastered to the side of their heads and not paying attention to their surroundings while some people are there to use the gym as it was intended. Next time, I might not put my back at risk by avoiding the insertion of a deadlift bar up some idiot’s ass by stopping mid-rep and cutting my own set short.
Now I do agree that feet should be covered to prevent the spread of fungal infections (ie athlete’s foot) in a gym setting. If you work out at home (as I often do), you can train wearing snowshoes or go completely naked for all I care.
I also agree that it’s important to have enough friction with whatever surface you’re training on as to prevent slippage – unless you’re training on a slideboard, of course.
Wrestling shoes, Nike Free’s (too narrow for my Flintstone-like feet) and FiveFingers all fit the bill. Even world-class powerlifters will lift hundreds of pounds with only the minimal support and “protection” of ballet-slippers, so don’t tell me you need the support of an overpriced sneaker to lift properly.
To suggest it’s in some way “better” to force gym members to develop a reliance on artificial stabilization, anti-pronation bars and gel-filled shock absorbing heels when our bodies are designed to do just that is as irresponsible as a trainer can get – but that’s what I’ve come to expect from the YMCA.
If you want “safe”, why not distribute wheel chairs and straight jackets to everyone who walks through the door?
I wonder what he’d say if I wore steel toed boots, a tyvek suit and full-face respirator next time I work out.
According to the YMCA of Delaware website…
The YMCA of Delaware is an association of people of all ages, ethnic groups and religious affiliations that strives to cultivate the human potential, self-esteem, and dignity of all people. Our organization exists to develop and practice the Christian principles of love, caring, inclusiveness, justice and peace…and to enrich the emotional, physical and social life of all individuals, families and our community.
Yeah, right.
The People Have Spoken…
One of the many reasons I moved The Cup from blogger to WordPress a couple months ago is for the advanced stats feature. I get a kick out of the search terms used by unsuspecting web-surfers who are (un)fortunate enough to stumble upon this blog.
For some reason, “Samuri Knife Sharpener” and “MySpace Surveys” are always big traffic pullers, but this week it seems there’s been quite a few people interested in “preventing bulky muscles“.
In an attempt to satsify the unquenchable thirst for knowledge demonstrated by my growing constituent base of blogophiles, I’m gonna do the unthinkable and let you in on the secret to avoiding those ugly ol’ muscles you’re so afraid of:
1) Do not use anabolic-androgenic steroids (note: these are different from the steroids your doctor prescribed for your inflammation problem or wheezing/asthma)
2) Have typical genetics
3) Be female
Now that we’ve got that cleared up, feel free to lift weights in whatever set/rep combination you so choose. As painful as it may be for me to say, bulk is not in your future, my friend.
See Also:
MySpace Survey
7 Blunders of the Fitness World
Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams
“Do As I Say, Not As I Do”
You should eat right and exercise. But I get my own special rules since I’m the so-called “fitness expert”…
I don’t watch a whole lot of TV, but when I feel the occasional urge to plop down in front of the tube, I enjoy ”reality” shows such as How It’s Made and John Ratzenberger’s Made In America. (something about those computerized production lines really gets me fired up)
I had some free time in my schedule today so I figured it only made sense to take a trip over to the nearby Herr’s factory where they make all kinds of tasty (read: fatty/salty) snack foods. Even got to taste a sample of their rippled potato chips still hot from the fryer. I honestly don’t know that I ever tasted such a good potato chip. If it wasn’t for the negative physical impact of such snack foods, I’d be tempted to trade in my lean beef, egg-whites and spinach for a greasy bag o’ chips and a Hungry Man frozen dinner (salisbury steak, anyone?).
Next time, I’ll think I’ll just take my own advice.
Dr. Seuss Would Be Proud
When considering new clients, I start with a simple food-log assignment and phone interview.
One important part of the phone call is for me to get an idea of the person’s health history to ensure that it’ll be safe for the “newbie” to take part in a progressively challenging exercise program (or suggest appropriate medical guidance before moving forward).
Not being one who likes to work with boring, confusing and time-consuming paperwork, I prefer to streamline my health history questionnaire into a rhyme so simple any kid could understand it.
Now that I’m finally getting mildly comfortable with this whole blogging and technology thing, here’s my updated PAR-Q for your listening pleasure…
If (and that’s a very big IF!) everything works correctly, clicking the link for the MP3 file above should automatically open your preferred audio player.
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EDIT: After I posted this, I realized that if you just hover your cursor over the link, you’ll see a ‘preview’. Just hit the play button and you’ll be able to hear it via a web-based audio player. What’ll they think of next?
Maybe I Was Wrong About Yoga?
I’m known for taking a strong stance against yoga and other ‘outdated’ flexibility techniques in favor of Muscle Activation, StopStretching, etc. but when I stumbled across this video, I found myself questioning my long-standing professional philosophy and personal opinions for a moment.
Just as I was dialing the the local yoga studio to reserve my space in the next class, I found this short clip to snap my senses right back to reality.
I don’t care how you package it, yoga IS still evil.
Is There A Doctor In The House?
Regular readers of The Cup already know I’m an 80′s metal fan/headbanger at heart, but once in awhile I like to mix up my training tunes. I was thinking of adding this “classy” version of everyone’s favorite Dr. Dre tune to my workout playlist.
[NOTE: THIS IS NOT A WORK-FRIENDLY VIDEO (unless you have headphones). Tipper Gore, Al Sharpton and others of that ilk who may be easily offended by words should avoid viewing the video (and probably this blog, too) at all costs. Don Imus, if you are a Cup reader - enjoy!]
I just have enough time to hit the squat rack and take a shower before I need to get back to work. As I always say, leg training ain’t sh*t :-)
I’m Gonna Be Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams!
This seems to be a regularly recurring conversation I have with a prospective client, most often a woman…
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Prospect: “I tried lifting weights once and I developed big, bulky muscles.”
Me: “Once? You mean like a 12-16 week hypertrophy (muscle growth) program?”
Propect: “No, I mean ONE time. I went to the gym a few years ago, lifted weights and got all big and muscle-y. I don’t want that to happen again. Maybe I should just do yoga?”
Me: (while ramming the nearest screwdriver deep into my ear) “GRRRRAAAKKKKKK!!!!!”
In the old days, I would’ve taken as much time as necessary to reassure this one-time weightlifter that unless she’s using massive amounts of anabolic steroids and has parents named Helga and ”Bear”, it’s highly unlikely she’s even capable of building too much of that “icky” muscle.
Today, I’m more likely to hand over a card for some random yoga quack, er… instructor, and wish her good luck in getting “toned”.
In the interest of being a nice guy (and I have no idea what’s come over me right now), for one last time, I’ll walk you through my over-simplified explanation of how it might be possible to get ‘big/bulky’ muscles after one trip through the weight room. Ready? Good. Let’s go.
If you hit your thumb with a hammer, what happens?
Yes, of course I know it hurts, but what else?
In case you’re struggling, inflammation is the answer I was looking for.
When your body experiences soft tissue trauma, it is usually accompanied by some degree of pain and inflammation of the surrounding tissue. It serves to immobilize the area to prevent further damage. If nothing else, it’ll remind you not to hit your thumb again, ya’ big dope.
Weight training is sort of like repeatedly hitting your muscle fibers with a hammer – a lot of ‘em. Initially – like ANY soft tissue damage - you can expect inflammation and localized fluid retention. This will “inflate”the tissue temporarily until your body adapts to this new found stress and makes the appropriate adaptations. If you really over-did it, you may even experience a good deal of post-workout soreness as a not-so-subtle reminder to take it a little easier the next time. Exercise is all about progression, ya’ know. But immediate muscle growth? No way – no how – ’tain’t gonna happen.
But if you still insist that you really do put on muscle that quickly…
“Lady, if you have some kind of training technique where you can only train ONCE and build anything meaningful, there is a huge market of high school geeks (and jocks, too) all the way up to 40-something-year-old-men sitting in their corporate cubicles, wearing suits off the rack just wishing they could somehow recapture their mis-spent youth and finally get those bulging biceps they were never willing to work for in the first place.
“If you’ll be so kind as to let me in on your little secret, I’d be happy to write the book and do all the marketing. All I want is a measly 10% of the profits. By the way, here’s a yoga instructor I’d recommend…”
Less Is Moore?
When you hear the name ”Michael Moore”, do you think of…
A) a cinematic visionary capable of restructuring our country into a modern day utopia if he would only run for president in 2008…
or
B) a sloppy, disgusting loudmouth sack of aged fecal matter, who, through his adiposity and negativity, has the potential to personally add more burden to our nation’s health system than the entire state of Mississippi.
Either way, you gotta check out this new challenge issued to Michael Moore by my fitness-industry buddies, Jim Labadie and Ryan Lee. Go get him, guys!
[and don't forget to tell your friends about it, too]
What Would Darwin Say?
Make no bones about it…Evolution of a species can happen very quickly. Apparently, the entire human race took a dramatic leap forward as we’ve developed a brand new endocrine organ - OVERNIGHT! - that may prove useful in the battle against type II diabetes and possibly even obesity.
So much for my sense of job security.
What I Learned About Fitness From A Stripper
Several years ago, I was at a fitness conference in NYC that drew attendees from all around the world. You’d find everyone from part-time aerobics instructors who teach classes simply to offset the cost of their gym memberships all the way up to some of the most recognizable names in the business.
Of course, I always enjoy learning cutting edge techniques and the different philosophies my peers use during the lecture portion of the 3 day weekend event, but I’ve found the personal networking opportunities especially valuable.
After the day’s seminars were through, I’d always try to get acquainted with other trainers and learn more about them and the way they run their business. One evening, I met a trainer from Florida. There’s nothing especially shocking about meeting fitness trainers from the sunshine state, except this guy had a really interesting story. Before he got into the fit-biz, he was a male-stripper for 14 years.
Although he claimed to be very successful with his business, I quickly got the impression that he’d have trouble telling his acetabulum from a hole in the ground. But even with his limited textbook knowledge or experience in the industry, he taught me something absolutely mind-blowing about helping clients get results.
His success as a trainer was based around one simple concept: people want to have fun.
Now listen, I’m no dummy and I’m smart enough to realize that nobody really wants to do the hard work. But they do want the results and are usually willing to sacrifice some level of comfort to get the rewards. Most of us with a more traditional background (read: clothes stay on while working) would take something people didn’t want to do (i.e. exercise) and do our damnedest to repackage it as something more enjoyable – see how good that painful, burning, achy sensation feels?
“Mr. Stripper’s” approach was completely opposite. He’d find clients in upscale apartment complexes and arrange pool parties. There’d be tiki-lamps, grass skirts and he’d have some music along with light food and drinks available. Who wouldn’t show up for that?
After a while, once the guests got comfortable being arouond each other (you gotta figure, they’re all in bathing suits), he’d start moving ‘em into the pool where he’d lead an aqua-fitness class. Since they were already having so much fun at the party; their perception of the water-based physical activity was that it was just part of the good times.
Man, this guy was a genius!!! Ok, so he may have been highly intoxicated when he told me his story, but he was genius nonetheless. Drawing on his ‘entertainment industry’ background, he knew enough to give people exactly what they wanted. Then he threw a bit of exercise into mix when they weren’t even thinking about it.
Every time he threw another party, they wouldn’t just come back for more fun – they’d drag their friends along, too! As a side-effect of all this “partying”, they got the results they wanted without any perception of hard work.
Now why didn’t I think of that?
Do You Suffer From EAD?
Before I get to today’s post, you’ll be happy to know I survived a 9 day vacation without my laptop (although I did pop into an internet cafe 2 times to quickly delete all the viagra messages that clog up my inbox so I’d have less to filter through when I got back to the office).
Now that I finally feel that comforting rumble of plastic keys under my guitar string calloused fingertips, let’s not waste any more time… ”The Cup” is back in business with the following ‘public service announcement’.
Do you have EAD?
Visually, syptoms are fairly obvious: thick waist, soft & saggy cheeks (and I’m not talking about jowels, here), general appearance or feelings of lethargy. Occasionally, you may even observe yellowing of the fingers accompanied by a trail of grease running from the dominant hand to the nearest empty potato chip bag. The rarest and most extreme physical symptom is the sweating of sausage gravy from one’s skin.
Even without these physical charateristics, Exercise Avoidance Disorder can be formally diagnosed by asking the following question of the suspected EAD sufferer: Do you get regular physical exercise?
A positive diagnosis can be made if the patient responds with any of the following.
- “I don’t like to sweat”
- “I don’t have time to work out”
- “Exercise is boring”
- “I travel a lot”
- “I don’t want to lift heavy weights”
- “I have a bad back (knee, foot, hangnail, etc)”
- “I’m not sure if I do the exercises correctly and I don’t want to get hurt, so I don’t do anything”
- “I tried exercise once and it just didn’t work for me”
- “I don’t have/can’t afford a gym membership”
- “I’d rather diet than exercise”
- “I plan to start an exercise program as soon as I lose X pounds”
- “Homer Simpson doesn’t exercise. Why should I?”
While the quality-of-life-threatening condition is not limited to any socio-economic or ethnic populations, early detection and treatment of EAD minimizes the effects and may even decrease likelihood of recurrence. Individual responses to treatement depend upon the severity of the condition when diagnosed and willingness to make immediate lifestyle changes.
At least one recent study suggests EAD may be highly contagious, even over great distances.
Do yourself and your loved ones a favor. Peform regular EAD home-checkups and please take immediate action if you suspect you are a carrier of this debilitating disease.
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
