Pedro Says…
How do you spell relief?
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N
As soon as I’m done typing this post, I’m officially on it.
If all goes well, I’ll be visiting South Of The Border on my way to Hilton Head Island, SC sometime in the next 24 hours or so (Hopefully they added a gym so I can get a quick workout while I’m passing through).
When I’m away from my laptop (yeah, I’m actually going to leave it behind), I encourage my faithful followers, fan club members, groupies, stalkers and all the people who have been unfortunate enough to land head first in “The Cup” while you were searching for “myspace surveys” to take a gander at the fine fitness-folk on my blogroll over there on the right side of your screen. They all have my personal seal of approval (that plus 50 cents might still get you a bag of chips).
Until I return, train like you mean it – and put your weights away when you’re finished.
-JS-
W.H.A.T. D.O.E.S. T.H.A.T. A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. M.E.A.N.?
Every industry has it’s jargon.
Plumbers have pipe dope, back siphons and S-traps.
Statisticians have their Z-scores, sigma plot and p-values.
Realtors discuss expansion potential, assumable financing and quick possession.
In the time travel biz, most people are already familiar with flux capacitors and the all-important 1.21 gigawatts.
But what makes an industry truly unique is the creative thinking that goes into its acronyms.
The fitness-biz is no exception – and if it was, I sure as heck wouldn’t be writing about it here, now would I. [Would I? Would I? Hairlip, Hairlip!]
For regular ‘fitness-folk’, DB (dumbbell), SB (swiss ball) and OH (overhead) are pretty easy to figure out – at least when put in context as in Seated SB OH DB press.
Like I said, it’s obvious, right?
Over the years, I’ve created a couple of my own. Namely, SMART (stability – mobility – agility – repeat – take control!) and the not-so-pretty-yet-still-incredibly-useful, PFROMASTYCC. I pronounce it with a silent “P”, like pneumonia. Phonetically, that’s FRAHM-iss-tyke.
Nice, huh?
However you care to pronounce it, it stands for:
Pain Free Range Of Motion And Speed That You Can Control
(this acronym/phrase can answer roughly 94.1% of all fitness related questions I’m asked on a daily basis)
(as an aside, at a conference a couple years ago, Alwyn Cosgrove, Bill Hartman, Stephen Holt and I tried to come up with something a little more streamlined to replace Vanna White’s worst nightmare above. With a little thought (and maybe a couple beers?), we did come up with PROMISE and PROMOTE as possible alternatives, but nothing says it like the original).
Now I don’t know who came up with SHELC (supine hip extension leg curl), but glutes and hamstrings around the world will be forever grateful for that one.
Perhaps my all-time-favorite (and again, I have no idea who deserves credit for this) is AMRAP: as many reps as possible.
How could 3 unassuming consonants and 2 vowels (both of ‘em “A”‘s even) possibly come together in such universal harmony as to describe the intention of performing a set to complete failure in a non-threatening way?
Ah yes, I still remember the day when I first saw AMRAP on the written page…
<cue dream sequence music>
It was before the war…
Of course, we all wore onions on our belts
because that was the style back then…
<slowly fade to black>
21 Reasons I Prefer To Train At Home
- I can use lifting chalk and make as much of a mess as I care to
- I can grunt
- I can swear
- I can bleed
- I choose the equipment
- I determine the ‘hours of operation’
- I don’t have to wait for someone to finish using the piece of equipment I want to use
- I can turn my headbangin’ music as LOUD as I want to
- I can even listen to Paula Abdul (oh, sh*t. Did I say my ‘guilty pleasure’ out loud?)
- I can turn off all music and train in total silence (other than the near-meditative clanging of iron plates gently crashing into each other)
- I can take my shirt off
- I can take my shoes off
- I could wear one of those Borat-style full body thong-y things if I was so inclined
- No membership fees
- I’m not bothered by the typical pack of hot, young, spandex-bound groupies hounding me for an autograph or an “all access backstage pass”
- If a piece of equipment is worn/broken, I KNOW it will get repaired/replaced
- No guy at the front desk trying to sell me supplements/clothing/etc
- I never worry about placing any part of my body in the same place that somebody else’s head/butt left a disgusting imprint of sweat
- I don’t have to do the same ineffective, boring machine based exercises that everyone else does or risk looking like a freak for training “different”
- I don’t have to put the magazine away when I’m done with it
- I have total control
Now I’m not saying anybody has to do what I do, but if you are anything like me and prefer to train at home for your own reasons, I suggest you high-tail it over to HomeExerciseResources and download a free copy of my 14 page guide to creating the ultimate home gym and find out how you can save serious cash on just about any equipment you’re looking for.
Blame It On Carl
Stress eating again? Overindulging on your favorite ’comfort’ foods?
It’s all Carl’s fault. Carl von Linde, that is. More specifically, I’m referring to his damned vapor-compression refrigeration machines. I was hoping they’d just be another short-lived fad [like the automobile and personal computers], but alas, it appears as if they’re here to stay.
Because of Carl’s “little invention”, it is remarkably easy to store calorie-dense, nutrient-void foods in our homes for immediate access 24/7. So easy, we take our modern “ice-box” for granted (until the power goes out, anyway, but that’s what an emergency food kit is for, I guess).
Burritos anyone? Take ‘em outta the freezer, plop ‘em in the microwave and in less than a minute, you’ll be fat and happy.
Ice cream at 2am? You’ll need to move the stack of frozen pizzas, but it’s in there.
Frozen waffles for breakfast? Hey! Le’ggo my Eggo…
Talk about instant gratification.
Gone are the days of working the soil in your backyard garden to grow your own vegetables.
There’s no reason for a daily visit to the local farmers market for fresh food (do they still make that?) on the way home from the office when you can load up the mini-van once a month at Costco.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m all about innovation and can certainly appreciate the intricacies of German engineering as much as the next guy, but Carl’s invention spawned an entire industry of convenient, crappy food for the home.
Risk:Benefit
EVERYTHING in life comes with some degree of risk
If you’re gonna eat, there’s that slim chance you may get food poisoning or choke.
If you cross the street, there’s a chance you may trip on the curb or get hit by a car.
If you get out of bed, you might stub your toe (doh!).
If you exercise, there’s the chance you’ll get injured - maybe even drop dead in the middle of a workout.
Risk vs. Benefit
As living, breathing people, we simply have to accept that risk is a part of life – there’s no way around it.
But not all risk should be avoided even if we could. Lewis & Clark, Neil Armstrong and Jimi Hendrix were the first to venture into their respective territories. They realized that the potential for benefis outweighed any risks (preceived or real) and through their efforts, they reshaped the face of the world.
The real trick is in knowing how to minimize risk to an acceptable level of tolerance. Chew your food (and don’t talk with your mouth full!), look both ways before crossing the street, pay attention to your surroundings and recognize potential obstacles.
It’s your choice: Follow a proven path to fitness or be a pioneer. You might just stumble upon the fountain of youth (or die trying).
[side note: last week I was interviewed by Dr. Chris Mohr at MealPlans101. It's a quick read and you can find it right here - enjoy!]
Get Jacked!
Dear Joe,
My gym doesn’t have one of those fancy jacks for loading/unloading the bar when I deadlift, and it can be a real pain in the ass – especially when it’s loaded with 45lb plates. Is there an easy way to make one at home?
Signed,
A dead-tired dead-lifter
Salt Lake City, UT
*****
Dear “Dead”,
Sure, anyone could pull out a blowtorch and an arc welder and whip something up, but a much easier solution is to use a 2.5lb plate as a weight changing platform.
Let’s say you have 5 plates on each side. Set the 2.5 on the floor right in front of the innermost 45lb plate. Now all you need to do is roll the whole thing on top of it. All but the inside plate are now hanging free about 1/4″ off the ground and removal is a snap. Repeat on the other side.
So this technique will be most effective, DO NOT remove the innermost 45 until you’ve taken off all the outer plates from both sides.
And while we’re at it, here’s a handy tip to help you remember the correct way to set the table for your post-workout meal: “Fork” and “left” both have 4 letters. “Knife”, “spoon” and “right” all have 5. Remember this and you’ll never be embarrased in front of your more ‘proper’ gym buddies again.
Harry Potter and the Steroid Scandal
Performance enhancing drugs (anabolic steroids) are here to stay. There’s just too much money on the line to risk being average. That goes for ALL professional sports.
Gary Player made the news when he revealed the shocking truth: a golfer has used steroids (gasp!).
A Cure For The Yips
Steroids don’t just make a person ’strong like bull’. They give you a much greater ability to recover from the rigors of training and competition.
Given a possibility of being able to focus on the game without having to worry about all those li’l aches and pains that accumulate through the golf season, of course golfers are going to look for anything that’ll give ‘em the edge. Wouldn’t you?
Life Imitates Art Imitates Life?
Now that golf and pro wrestling have ‘officially’ made the fateful move to become one sport, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before Phil Mickelson kills his family and then commits suicide with a left handed sand wedge [mmmmm....sand-wich] in a steroid induced rage.
J.K. Rowling, Listen Up… Here’s Your Next Book!
If the game of Quidditch ever shows signs of becoming a serious money-maker, you can bet your golden snitch the students at Hogwarts will feel the temptation to use performance enhancing substances. Hell, Harry Potter already uses a souped-up broomstick to outplay Slytherin. Couldn’t the “Nimbus 2000″ be considered “performance enhancing”?
If Malfoy ever has an opportunity for a multi-million dollar contract and the chance to be on a box of Wheaties, you know he’ll do whatever it takes for a shot at his place in the history books as well as his family’s financial security for generations to come. I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
The World As I See It
If fans, players, congress, etc really want an even playing field, every athlete should be required to follow the exact same training program, eat the same food, practice the same way, compete in the same environments and get the same amount of sleep. The reality is that we all have our own ‘best’ ways of doing things and that’s what makes sports performance training so darned interesting.
Scientific research provides us with clues as to how we can make ourselves better. To deny the use of pharmaceuticals in professional sports is to deny progress as humans. Ethically, scientists can’t do a ‘proper’ steroid study but pro athletes are voluntary guinea pigs. And for that, I thank them all.
Besides, at the professional level of any sport, it’s no longer about the game itself, but the entertainment. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, either.
Did You Get Enough Iron Today?
Two of my all-time favorite things are the classic bodybuilding film, Pumping Iron and the British heavy metal group, Iron Maiden (up the irons!).
Both have heavily influenced my life personally and professionally, and while I’m not about to put ‘em in a duel to see who’d come out ahead, today I thought I’d share a li’l background (and possible similarities?) behind the two “Irons” that have been my biggest inspirations.
In The Beginning…
Pumping Iron: Released in 1977. According to IMDb, it’s classified as a “Documentary/Sports” film. Brought the sport of bodybuilding into mainstream consciousness.
Iron Maiden: Formed in 1975 (first album released in 1980). Led the charge of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal [NWOBHM].
Sports
Pumping Iron: Stars champion bodybuilders Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno, Franco Columbu (also competed in the first “World’s Strongest Man” competition), Mike Katz (formerly of the NY Jets) and many others
Iron Maiden: The band is the creation of bassist/songwriter Steve Harris. He turned down a career in professional soccer to pursue his musical vision. Singer Bruce Dickinson excels at the sport of fencing. Guitarist Adrian Smith loves fishing while drummer Nicko McBrain and guitarist Dave Murray are both avid golfers.
Politics
Pumping Iron: Features bodybuilder, turned action hero, turned governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Iron Maiden: Features a larger-than-life mascot named “Eddie” – once pictured on the cover of the single “Sanctuary” wielding a knife while standing above the lifeless body of then British prime minister, Margaret Thatcher.
Vices
Pumping Iron: Arnold is seen smoking marijuana in one scene and has also admitted to steroid use.
Iron Maiden: No newsworthy drug use (other than early singer Paul DiAnno’s cocaine problems but he’s been out of the band since 1981), but as full-blooded Englishmen, they have been known to enjoy a pint of beer now and then.
International Outreach
Pumping Iron: Released in Japan in 1986
Iron Maiden: Released live EP, “Maiden Japan” in 1981
Solo Careers
Pumping Iron: Arnold went on to become a major Hollywood star and governor of California. Co-star Lou Ferrigno never was able to capture the Mr. Olympia title, but he did have a starring role as the alter-ego of Dr. David Bruce Banner in the 1977-1982 Incredible Hulk TV series.
Iron Maiden: Front man Bruce Dickinson also has a successful solo career on the side (and is even a licensed pilot, often taking the band to gigs aboard the “Bruce Goose”)
Dedicated Fans
Pumping Iron: I once worked out with a friend near Monticello, Indiana in a gym that was converted from a church. At one end of the gym, smack in the middle of the outline where a cross once hung was a poster of Arnold‘s classic black & white side chest pose. How’s that for fan-appreciation?
Iron Maiden: Even with limited air play, they’ve sold over 80 million albums world-wide.
Longevity
Pumping Iron: You can still find Arnold‘s ”long lost workout” in bodybuilding magazines
Iron Maiden: Quickly sell out stadiums worldwide to this day
If only the producers of Pumping Iron had the foresight to use Iron Maiden‘s music as a soundtrack, my world would be absolutely perfect.
Give It To Mikey, He’ll Eat Anything
Why is that people will only believe what they want to believe?
My good friend and former college football teammate, Mike, has been training and eating like a champ for as long as I’ve known him. Of course, he’s ‘lucky’ enough to have the physique to show for it.
For many years, Mike has been working with a group of guys that want to get “the look”, too (but aren’t willing to work for it), so they frequently ask him for “the secret” to his success.
The giving kind of guy that Mike is, he never holds anything back. He’s told ‘em his exact workouts right down to the final rep. They see how he brings high-quality meals from home and refuses to live off of whatever crap just happens to be in the vending machine that day.
But instead of taking any of Mike’s advice to heart, they still remained convinced there was a secret he had to be holding back from them, so the line of questions continued ad nauseum.
Oh, lucky day!
Fast forward several months… one of his co-workers still wouldn’t ‘get it’ so Mike decided it was finally time to share his “top-secret formula” to becoming lean and muscular.
Mike took the guy around the corner and told him he ate cat food. The wet kind that comes in a can. Something about a ‘special amino acid combination’ that we just don’t get enough of in ‘regular’ food.
Mike asked him to please just keep it a secret and don’t let the other guys know. After all, it’d be kind of ‘embarassing’ if the rest of the gang found out that it wasn’t the consistent workouts and excellent nutrition afterall .
Malo Gato
Eureka! This was IT! He knew all along there just had to be an easy way to do it, and he was the guy smart enough to finally get Mike to crack. Persistance pays off every time.
And believe it or not, he actually tried “the cat food diet” for awhile.
Last I heard, the guy still hasn’t touched a weight and he looks exactly the same as those of us ‘in-the-know’ would expect, but he did develop the curious habit of scratching furniture in between coughing up fur-balls.
[inside joke to Mike: "Hey, man - it's not like I never lit my arm on fire before!"]
Oldies But Goodies
The ancient Romans really had things figured out.
No, I’m not referring to aquaducts, numerals (i.e. MCXVII), the letter “G “(a big thanks to Spurius Carvilius Ruga for giving us that one) or those faux-hawk military helmets sporting a stylish horsehair crest.
I’m talking about their use of language. It seems to me that a large number of latin phrases reflect the Roman’s understanding of all-things-health-and-fitness.
Julius Ceasar said, “fere libenter homines id quod volunt credunt” (as a rule, men willingly believe that which they wish to).
Could ol’ Jules have somehow foreseen our present-day weight loss industry and the way people continue to believe in spot reduction? Even though these same people understand this isn’t the case, could the overwhelming desire for a flat stomach be the reason they continue to fall victim to quick-fix marketing gimmicks?
The truth is, gutta cavat lapidem non vi sed saepe cadendo (a drop hollows a stone not by force, but by falling often)
My interpretation: Regular exercise is more effective than sporadic attempts hoping for immediate gratification.
*****
The Jefferson Society has the motto, haec olim meminisse iuvabit (one day, this will be pleasing to remember)
My interpretation: As much as you may think exercise sucks today, when you’re “lean & mean”, you’ll wonder why you didn’t commit to fitness sooner.
*****
Or what about solvitas perambulum (solve it as you walk)?
My interpretation: When you’re working on a project at work or school and can’t seem to make any progess, get up off your butt and exercise. Your mind will quickly become clearer plus you’ll reap the long term physical benefits.
Now backing up my advice with facta, non verba (actions, not words), it’s time for me to get a workout!
Ad Multos Annos
(To A Long Life!)
The Seven Blunders of the Fitness World
- Late-Night Infomercials
Even if someone did package an effective training system in a box, infomercials lack one important thing: credibility. Sure, I’m temepted to pull out my credit card whenever Billy Mays pitches the Samauri Shark knife sharpener – who wouldn’t trust a guy with such a well-groomed beard at 3.30 in the morning? - but when it comes to health and fitness, do you really believe you can have something for nothing? Listen to me now and hear me later: IT TAKES EFFORT, PEOPLE!
- Electical Shock Abdominal Training Devices
While these are often sold via the previously mentioned infomercials, these human cattle-prods get their own spot on this list for sheer stupidity. Exercise can be defined as VOLUNTARY musclular contractions AGAINST RESISTANCE. There is no 9-volt powered abdominal fat suicide belt that will help you burn fat or get stronger. - Low-Fat Diets
I’m not sure exactly how balance, variety and moderation got lost in the mix, but I imagine is went something like this:Profit-driven businessman: “Johnson, we need a new angle. Is there a macro-nutrient that has yet to be blamed for excessive body fat?”
Mr. Johnson, Ad Exec: “Well, sir, as you know, carbs have been done to death. What about fat? It seems like an easy connection.”
Businessman: “Surely people understand that dietary fat and body fat are 2 different things?”
Ad Exec: “Don’t you worry about that, sir. Using our slick marketing tactics, the public will have no clue how to eat right. You’ll be cashing checks for decades to come. Mwuhahahahaha!
Businessman: (echos Johnson’s evil laugh all the way to the bank)
- Foam Covered Dumbbells
They’re usually pink or turquoise (and some may say they’re cute as a kitten) but it’s rare to find one that weighs more than 3lbs. I’m fully aware that everybody has to start somewhere, but it’s equally true that if you want to make progress, you need to progressively challenge yourself. There’s only so much you can do with 3 pounds. - “Functional” Training
The concept that the time you spend training should enhance and improve your lifestyle is right on the money, but the application is typically way off. Unless you’re training to be a circus freak, there’s never a reason to stand on a swiss ball. EVER. - Personal Training Certifications
Last I heard, there were over 400 different ‘certifications’ in the fitness industry. Some can be done online in about 15 minutes for as little as $50. Others are much more credible and actually involve learning, practice (who’d have thunk it?) and continuing education beyond the initial certification. But which is which? How can anyone tell the difference? Is any other industry this confusing for consumers? - The Thighmaster
Do I really need to say more?
What Happened To My Underwear?
I figured maybe I was just in the wrong part of the store – you know how retail shops like to change things around now and then.
But as I was walking through Target looking for the socks & underwear, it hit me like a brick. I didn’t mistakenly stumble into the women’s lingerie section. These were racks of men’s underwear on individual hangers right there in the open air.
They had it all – boxers, briefs… even thongs (or maybe they just added an eye-patch department?)
What ever happened to the tamper-evident plastic bag 3 pack of undies I grew up with?
We’re guys. We need to buy things in bulk. It’s in our DNA.
A case of beer used to be 24 cans and even that wasn’t enough… now we’ve got 30 packs to get us through a quiet evening at home with the kids.
Ever wonder why cable tv sells sports packages? Because no guy will watch just one game and forget about the rest of the season.
Have an urge for a sugary treat, big fella? There’s a reason Dunkin’ Donuts doesn’t sell boxes of fewer than 25 ‘munchkins’.
Try going to Home Depot and buying a single deck screw – you and your pink handled tool set will be laughed right out of the store.
Which brings me back to my point: Which marketing genius figured that any red-blooded American man would be somehow compelled to buy a single pair of underwear - secured to a little plastic hanger, no less?
I can only think of one thing to blame for this ridiculoous marketing tactic: SOY.
By now, you’ve probably heard of some of the conflicting research about the ‘little bean that could’. Isoflavones, phytoestrogens, hormone imbalances, blah, blah, blah…
Somewhere (probably in California), there must be an advertising agency that has a vending machine filled with nothing buy soymilk and tofu bars. Obvioulsy, the marketing team finally hit their soy-intake limit.
While the guys in labcoats are still figuring things out, don’t expect to see me digging into a bowl of tofu. I prefer to buy my underwear the way nature intended.
Pillow Talk
Let me slip into my smooth, soulful Barry White-like voice for a moment. Mmmmm, that’s good. Now come a li’l closer so I can whisper sweet-nothings in your ear, baby…
“Oooh, you’re so right. Lifting weights WILL make you bulky”
“Long, slow cardio is the BEST way to shed unwanted pounds”
“Eat all the no-fat/no-carbs/no-flavor chocolate cake you want. It’s made with only healthy, all natural ingredients so that means it’s good for you.”
“No, of course those pants DON’T make you look fat. Now come give big papa some o’ that sweet sugar”
Another Notch On The Bedpost
Whether you’ve had a series of one night stands or long-term relationships with fad diets, informercial gimmicks and other promises of dramatic change with little to no effort, you already know all that sweet talk was simply to get you to open your checkbook and give up the money.
The fat loss industry can be like the guy who hangs out at the bar until closing time. He’ll tell you everything you want to hear, even if you know it’s nowhere near the truth.
TOUGH LOVE
Hearing the right words (read: marketing) at a time of weakness or despair can be enough to allow you to justify starting another doomed fitness and nutrition relationship. Unless you change the way you think – about yourself - history is bound to repeat itself – over and over and over.
I don’t know how Dr. Phil would say it, but “eat right and exercise” is really all you gotta do.
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
