Salmon Croquettes, Oysters and a Couple of Beers
I find it funny, but people often ask me if I ever miss a workout. Maybe it’s my rugged good looks or my underwear-model body (haha!) that gives the impression that I live in the gym. But in addition to being a ‘fitness pro’, I am a real person too, so of course, things do come up in life that challenge even my best thought out plans.
For example, I’m still here in NYC for one more day. I had my cheesy (but enjoyable) sightseeing yesterday – spent some time at the MoMA and the Empire State Building. And I found some excellent Thai green curry at a restaruant on 34th Street only a stones throw from where I’m staying.
Well my plan for the evening was to stop by the Men’s Fitness office, pick up some information I needed for tomorrow’s shoot and then get back to the hotel for a workout and dinner – maybe even watch a little TV before hitting the sack.
But shortly after I left the MF office and turned up 3rd Avenue, someone walking past me said “Joe Stankowski???!!?” When I turned around, I immedately recognized him as one of my old high school football buddies that I haven’t seen or talked to in nearly 15 years!
Long story short, I never made it to the fitness center. Instead, “Rose” and I spent the next couple hours catching up at Blue Water Grill (I still say our waitress looked like a young Jody Foster). Of course, we talked about training over some salmon croquettes, oysters and a couple glasses o’ Brooklyn Reserve, but by the time I got back to the hotel, I knew that working out would only keep me awake longer – and I need to be ‘on my game’ for today’s shoot so after a quick glance through the day’s email, I went straight to bed.
The game of fitness is all about adaptation
I suppose in some ways, I’m fortunate this kind of event doesn’t happen every day – but even if it does become a regularly thing to bump into old friends while walking though a city of 10 million people far from my home town, it’ll be easy enough to adjust plans and schedule my workouts earlier in the day.
Life In The Big City
Got another short post today as I’m still in NYC and have a free day to explore my favorite city. We had a relatively smooth day in the studio yesterday – especially considering it was the first time we shot video. It certainly helps when we get to work with a model that really works out (great job, Edwin, though you gotta do something about those overactive hammies/weak glutes!). You might be surprised how many of the fitness models you see in the magazines don’t know a thing about training (let alone work out regularly) and are just cashing in on thier winnings from the genetic lottery while there’s still time.
Now I’m looking forward to getting some breakfast and heading downstairs to the hotel‘s fitness center where I can get a workout and talk shop with the ‘fitness concierge’ before I hit the streets and do the tourist-y thing.
More to come…
If I Can Make It There…
Quick one today – I’m on my way out the door and running uncharacteristically late. I’m heading up to NYC to work on a special project with Men’s Fitness magazine for the next couple of days and don’t want to be the guy known for holding up the schedule…
Since I need to run, today’s “cup” will be topped up later this evening once I get settled into my hotel and hit the fitness center (the hotel I’ll be staying at on 34th Street has a “fitness conceirge” on staff, so I’m sure we’ll talk shop at some point).
Now start spreading the news, I’m leaving today…
It Must Be THAT Time Of The Month Again…
Women.
Every month, there’s the usual 2 weeks of cramping, whining and bloating, then it happens.
The new issue of their favorite softcore fitness magazine arrives and the newest last-workout-you’ll-ever-need becomes their sole purpose for going to the gym.
It must have been delivered over the weekend because when I was in the gym yesterday, there was a clear difference in the types of exercises most women were doing.
I ‘m used to seeing the girls doing their machine based exercises or chatting away on the treadmill, so to say it surprised me when many of them got away from their usual stuff and were doing asymmetrical loading patterns/multi-planar movements and such would be a huge understatement.
PMS: Post Magazine Syndrome?
Sure, I give ‘em credit for putting in the time, and I’m not sure which magazine they’re all subscribing to but my prediction is that within 5 to 7 days they’ll all return to their regular, uninspired workout routines until the cycle begins again.
If only there was a pill to keep women’s fitness programs effective, fun and as exciting as chocolate.
[note: I realize it would be unfair if I didn't point out that guys have their own set of issues when it comes to training... so in the interest of maintaining a fair and balanced blog, you can look forward to an upcoming post on the Friday night pump.]
That’s Great, But So What?
I’m always amused when someone tells me they lost X number of pounds. My usual response is “of what?”
Did you get a haircut?
Trim your fingernails?
Are you dehydrated?
Or maybe you had one of those spare organs removed. (Do we really need TWO kidneys? Or maybe you can tell me why we still have gallbladders?)
There are obvioulsy many ways to lose weight. The more important question is “How much FAT did you lose?”
This is the point when I usually get that stumped look (like when you ask a dog a question) from the person who just 2 minutes ago was so enthusiastic about sharing their loss with me.
But without an objective way to measure WHAT is being lost (or gained), numbers on the scale mean nothing.
Now if all you really want to focus on is the number on the bathroom scale, I’ll let you in on a little weight loss secret – it’s a highly effective program that is being developed in Russia. Keep in mind, this will cost you some serious cash, but when your weight matters most, you have to sacrifice somewhere, right?
This program is not a gimmick requiring the exclusion of any major food groups from your diet. It’s safe and extreme weightloss is 100% guaranteed. – you can lose every single nagging pound you have in a matter of hours.
Here’s what you do: for the low price of only 20 million dollars (yikes!), you become a space tourist. In the zero-gravity realm of space, you’ll be so light on your feet, you can quite literally float away (better keep yourself tethered to the mother ship). Unfortunately, your body will still look exactly the same, but you’re the one who said the number on the scale is all that matters…
Does Placebo Effect Count As Success?
Maybe the Atkins diet really is the best idea since sliced bread. I’ve discovered it’s really, really hard to convince a person who lost a lot of weight on a fad diet that it didn’t actually work.
I’m frequently asked which diet plan, training program or exercise is the best. Yes, I am extremely confident in my professional skills and ability to help people change their bodies. You’d probably expect me to say that my own training systems and exercise progressions are the only way to train – but in all honesty, we all have different goals and abilities. And there are just too many other variables involved making it virtually impossible to say one single method will ever exist that works best for everybody.
Same holds true for diet. While I highly recommend Dr. John Berardi’s complete nutrition program to my clients, family and friends – any program will only be as effective as your ability and desire to use it as intended.
Who am I to suggest the hottest abdominal training gizmo seen on late-night TV (with no fewer than 4 easy payments) or the latest best selling diet book don’t hold the answers to all of your fitness questions?
If you’re really under the impression that eat right and exercise doesn’t apply to you, and you’ve stumbled upon a more magical solution, by all means, go for it. Have your plan and stick to it though. There’s a saying in the fitness biz (and I wish I knew who to credit for this one)…
A poorly designed plan done well will always outperform a well-designed plan that doesn’t get done.
The Global Warming Solution: Stop Exercising
With each step on the treadmill and every rep at the squat rack, fitness minded people around the world are carelessly contributing to global warming and ultimately, the demise of life on earth.
If we’re to believe that we li’l ol’ humans are responsible for all the heat buildup and greenhouse gasses, one must take into consideration the effect of all those calories we’re burning at the gym, too.
Any 5th grader knows that heat rises – so it should come as no surprise when I tell you the calories you expend during your workouts go straight to the upper atmosphere where they relentlessly gnaw away at the ozone.
But it gets even worse.
Fact: people living in 3rd world countries do not have the necessary resources for gyms and personal training studios on every corner.
Fact: the majority of planet-destroying muscle is being built by fitness buffs across America and Europe and more recently, the Chinese have started putting in more time at the gym.
Do you realize the majority of earth’s muscle building population resides above the equator? In case it’s not becoming clear to you already, this top-heavy loading of our celestial home is causing the earth to tilt even further on its axis. This phenomenon is directly responsible for the intensified weather patterns we’re seeing around the globe. Hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes – even that gaping hole in the ozone can all be traced right back to the gym.
What can we do to restore the delicate balance of the earth? Fortunately, steps are being taken. After 15 years, Singapore is finally dropping their childhood anti-obesity program, but it’s not enough, people. It’s NOT enough!
Rather than debate the need for a fence at our border with Mexico. it would make much more sense to start an immediate exchange program with South America. For example: Give us 5 undernourished Bolivian immigrants each willing to work for $2.50 an hour and we’ll send an overweight, overpaid American lawyer. (of course, this would have the additional positive effect though the instant reduction in frivolous lawsuits, but let’s try to stay focused here, ok?)
I know – I know… if you’re thinking this is unreasonable (and possibly even offensive), you’re absolutely right.
Because of the logistical problems in sending enough XXL northerners to the southern hemisphere in time to put the earth back onto it’s proper axial tilt, the more practical solution is to stop exercising. If not for yourself, put down that barbell for your children. Plop your glutes right back down on the sofa to give your grandchildren a fighting chance. Future generations of homo sapiens need us to stop sweating, straining and consuming so many protein shakes if the human race is to have any chance at survival on this rotating rock we call home.
Someday, science may discover a way to recover some of the sweat-energy we unmercifully sling around the health clubs and use it for something benefical to all. But for now, my advice is to forego all forms of exercise and just take it easy ’til this whole global warming thing passes.
My sincere and deepest thanks go to Al Gore for taking my solution seriously and leading by example.
My hero: Oscar winner and eco-warrior, Al Gore
Nearly 2500 Years of Fitness Wisdom
A few of my favorite fitness-related quotes for your enjoyment:
“If we could give every individual the right amount of nourishment and exercise, not too little and not too much, we would have found the safest way to health.”
- Hippocrates 460BC-357BC
“No citizen has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
- Socrates 469BC-399BC
“The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but instead will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease.”
- Thomas Edison 1847-1931
“There are so many health food nuts out there that eat nothing but natural foods but they don’t exercise and they look terrible.”
- Jack LaLanne 1914-
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?”
- Arnold Schwarzenegger 1947-
A Rabbi Walks Up To A Vending Machine…
It’s that time of year again… Coca-Cola is cooking up thier annual Passover Edition kosher Coke – apparenty the Jewish popuation spends enough on the carmel colored nectar-of-the-gods, some chochem at Coke figures its worth making a yearly visit back to the original real-sugar sweetened formula. Isn’t there anyone who can go 8 days without a bottle of coke?
Where I grew up in the midwest, we called it pop. When I lived in the UK, we called it fizzy. Here on the east coast of the US, the ‘locals’ call it soda. I remember a trip to Missouri where they just called it coke – even if it was Pepsi. (What kind of coke do you want?)
Whatever name you attach to that brown, sweet, bubbly concoction, there’s research suggesting those who drink it are more likely to over-consume calories from all sources.
L’Chayim!
The Customer Is Always Right… Right?
Every so often, I like to take a quick look at the latest & greatest products and consumer-reviews at Fitness Infomercial Review. Given the apparent popularity of products such as “Yoga Booty Ballet”, “Hip Hop Abs” or my personal favorite, “the RED exerciser” – I have to admit that I’m completely stumped as to why America is so out of shape.
My home state of Indiana just doesn’t get it though. Rather than attach the state seal of approval to “Turbo Jam”, Hoosiers are supposed to believe they can get fit by following impossible advice like “exercise” and “eat right”.
It’s not enough that Indiana provides a supportive website where residents can get even more advice and daily motivational emails to help keep on track, but Governor Mitch Daniels even created an “infomercial” of his own where he appears to be jogging and lifting weights. The nerve of this guy suggesting real exercise can be beneficial or even fun.
I’m confident that consumers will ultimately see through the ‘hype’ of good nutrition and regular exercise and the “Slendertone Ab Belt” will once again reign supreme.
New CPR Guidelines Ahead?
HealthDay reports a new Japanese study is suggesting the use of mouth-to-mouth breathing in addiditon to (the much more hygenic and not-nearly-as-personal) chest compressions can actually be less effective than chest compressions alone for victims of cardiac arrest.
Not that I don’t find my annual CPR renewal enjoyable – I mean, who wouldn’t have a great time wrapping their lips around the mouth of “Rescue Annie’s” removeable latex death mask? (it’s not like it brings “Silence of the Lambs” to life for me, or anything).
A note to American Heart Assn and Red Cross: Please pay close attention to this study. If there’s any truth to the report, I’d predict a lot more people would be willing to take your life saving courses.
Your Dog and Viagra?
I know this might upset Pamela Anderson, but I gotta get this one off my chest: I’m not particularly fond of animals. There I said it. [Whew, that felt good!] I know, I know… I’m a horrible excuse for a human being, but give me a chance to explain myself before you cast me aside as a common scalawag, hooligan or scoundrel.
Before humans began domesticating dogs about 15,000 years ago, they ran free in the wild. They didn’t get locked in the house all day; they didn’t have to take trips to the groomer; and they certainly didn’t have to worry about their health insurance plan.
Today, there’s a story floating around about the increased use of pet medications. It seems that rather than take their dogs out for regular, health-promoting exercise (which would of course result in health benefits for themselves), Americans find it easier to apply the human formula of medicating everything from arthritis to dementia to obesity. What’s next – viagra for Fido so he can hump your leg just like the old days?
What ever happened to putting a sick animal down? Don’t animal-rights activists believe a pet also has the right to a quality of life that matches their natural, pre-domestic state?
Before anyone puts a postage stamp on a hate-mail letter addressed to me, let me point out that my real problem isn’t even with the animals themseles, but with the lack of physical activity people are getting. Isn’t it irresponsible to force the same sedentary lifestyle upon a pet? I’d go so far as to call it abuse.
If you’re going to treat your pet like one of the family, I’m assuming you will take on the role of parent. What would you do if your own children sat on their butts all day? (a-HA!! I think I’m on to a common thread here, but childhood obesity is a blog for another day!)
Ok, maybe the animals aren’t so bad afterall – It could just be the pet owners I don’t really like (why in the hell would you put a t-shirt on a dog? WHY?!) All I’m trying to say is that if you lead by example, your pooch might follow.
Yo, Adrian! Put another vial on the bar-b, mate!
How does a 60 year old actor stay in great shape?
Well, in Sly Stallone’s case it looks like growth hormone might be one part of his training program.
The media is predictably over-hyping everything around this ‘story’. Of course, there is the issue of legality of the drug in Australia but beyond that, the only question that really needs to be asked is, “so what?”
Can the use of “performance enhancing drugs” do anything to improve his acting skills?
Does he gain some kind of “unfair advantage” in his profession by (allegedly) using this “medicine”?
Who actually gets hurt when an actor uses growth hormone?
Before you argue with me by suggesting that anabolic steroid/GH use in any case is cheating, what about the casual use of cosmetic surgery? Seriously, we’re talking about an actor. Their paychecks are based on their ability to have a particular look.
What about less-than-attractive-women who know how to cheat by using make up and a pushup bra? Shouldn’t they be fined and labeled as frauds?
Why wouldn’t the short guy with heel-lifts in his shoes be discredited and have his man-license revoked?
Will hair coloring become a crime? I can see it now – Paris Hilton gets pulled over on suspicion of transporting some private label hair product across state lines with intent to distribute to her socialite friends.
Maybe radio jocks who digitally alter their voice for a more “booming” presence should be locked away for their role in ‘fooling’ the public (the FCC has fined jocks for stranger things!)
Acting is all about entertainment. It sounds like he made a foolish mistake by attempting to import an illegal substance into a foreign country, but c’mon people – let Sly do his job.
"Mighty" Joe Stankowski
